After yesterday's unsuccessful 10 miler, I determined to get up early this morning and get it done at dawn. My alarm went off at 5:30 am, and I got up and was ready and out the door by 6 am. At first I felt good, but then that feeling quickly dissolved and by mile 2 again, I felt the same feeling I did yesterday: total fatigue. I went about a tenth of a mile more and then threw in the towel and turned around to make it an even 4. A slow, crappy 4. Those 2nd two were uncomfortable and tiring, and my mind was cluttered with frustration and disappointment, despite my best efforts to shove those thoughts away.
On the one hand, I'm thankful that the reason neither run didn't go well isn't because of injury or illness. While that would give me a concrete reason for the poor runs, I don't want to deal with either potential problem. However, on the other hand, it would be nice to have a concrete reason instead of just a vague "I didn't feel good" and "I felt just completely zapped" because neither provides a specific reason, and that makes it feel like I should have been able to work past it.
I don't have a lot of experience with running, but I have been doing this for more than 3 years, and that's been enough for me to experience some great runs and races, as well as some truly terrible ones. And I know that the terrible ones don't always need a reason to go badly; there can be a combination of reasons, both mental and physical, but ultimately they "just happen." And usually I can dismiss them as part of the running process and move forward without being too hard on myself.
But, it's one thing to do that with one bad run; two in a row is a much tougher mental hurdle because those bad runs erode the confidence and create self-doubt. But putting them behind me is what I have to do in order to not carry them as baggage into my upcoming runs.
So, this morning after I got home, I took a shower, and crawled back into bed for 2 hours. When I woke up, Jerry was making pancakes and the smell of syrup combined with the scent of fresh coffee helped wash my memory clean of the weekend's failed runs. So, I had two bad runs this weekend, but now I put them behind me, and I move forward.