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My real life is a lot like THS (True Hollywood Story) except there's no fame, fortune, or drug addiction. Instead, I'm happily married, have two children, and a dog who's prone to barfing at 3 am. I love them all, but I also have to run away from them every day. I always run back, though.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Poop Humor

Earlier this week, it was Jerry's turn to wake up with Norah and as soon as he went in her room, she told him that she pooped.  Still not fully awake, and not yet ready to turn on the light, he changed her diaper in the semi-dark.  As he was changing her, he spied what he thought was one of her shoes on the changing table, and he wondered what one of her shoes was doing there, so he picked it up.  Yeah...it didn't take him long to realize he was holding her turd in his hand.

Even typing that makes me laugh so hard tears spring to my eyes, so yes, I have found it all kinds of hilarious to make fun of him this week for picking up her poop, mistaking it for a shoe.

Karma, then, seems to also find it funny to make sure that things always even out in our household.

So, this morning, Norah and I took a shower together, as we do every morning, and afterward, I get out first and dry off while she lingers in the tub and splashes about a bit in the draining water.  When I turn around to drape her towel around her and fetch her out of the tub, I spy a deuce -- she'd pooped in the tub again!  Thankfully, I figure, she's still in the tub -- easy clean up.  I dispose of the turd and then soap/hose her and the tub down.

I leave her in the bathroom, brushing her teeth, while I go toss a few clean up towels in the washing machine, as I'm returning to the bathroom, Norah is going, "Mama!  Mama!"  I get in there and discover that she'd pooped again, but this time on the bathmat, and this time she had walked through it!  She was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, balanced on one leg, looking disgustedly at her shit-covered toes.

Ah!  Poop on the bathmat, poopy-prints across the bathroom, and a poopy-footed kid!

So, again, clean up.

Then, I'm hauling the bathmat and some shit-smeared towels to the kitchen to deposit them in the washing machine, and Norah, still naked, trails along behind me.  As I'm stuffing this grody stuff in the machine, and feeling like I need a fresh shower, but in bleach this time, I turn around and find Norah peeing on the kitchen floor!

At least pee is even easier to clean up, but lord, after that, I had a diaper on her faster than a fat kid is on a cupcake.  I guess the lesson is "laugh not at your spouse's poopcidents because the poopcidents will come back around to you!"

21 comments:

savvyfitchica said...

oh my gosh, that's hilarious! I can't believe he grabbed it! ha! I like how she announces it- that's so cute and funny! Hopefully you got all cleaned up ok :)

Jamoosh said...

Wherever they may be, your parents, grandparents, great grand parents, etc. are all laughing!

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

You just can't make this awesome kid stuff up! I'm laughing with you not at you (heeehehehehehehee) because I've been there...not so long ago either!

The Mommy said...

It's nice that she saved the big poopcident for you - isn't that ALWAYS the way?!

Lee said...

Haha, this is totally making me laugh.

fancy nancy said...

This is making me crack up...sorry to laugh at your expense but I know I would have freaked if it was me!!! Em is classic for peeing in the tub but never a poop!

Marlene said...

Sorry to leaugh at your misfortunate, but come on - you can't make this stuff up!!!

Nobel4Lit said...

Oh yikes... I guess it's funny in retrospect.

Robin said...

I have found with the "poopcidents" you just have to laugh, sometimes to keep from crying.

Erin said...

That just made my day! I have tears rolling. You got the shaft on this one but I do think Jerry holding a turd is priceless.

Stacey said...

That is too funny! Thanks for making me laugh!

Wes said...

poop karma! bwahahaha!

JojaJogger said...

Whew, at least Jerry didn't think it was half a Baby Ruth bar.

d.a.r. said...

Bahaha. At least you didn't actually pick it up expecting it to be a shoe!

What kind of shoes do you have your poor child wearing?? :)

Her Name Is Rio said...

Oh no!!!!

Aka Alice said...

LMAO...did you at least take some pictures so that when she's a sullen teenager you can say, "hey girl. I've cleaned up your shit after you walked through it, so don't give me any of that attitude!"

Trust me, as the mother of a teenager girl, this could come in VERY handy!

I'm just sayin...

Krissy said...

OMG that storry is hysterical! It totally sounds like Karma came back at you tenfold! lol....only a child can make you laugh at poop & pee to this level!

Firefly's Running said...

ROFLMAO! I can still remember the days when my son went through that stage in potty training. I wasn't laughing at the time, but I can laugh now.

Adam said...

This only happens to your kids right? This will NEVER happen to me? Promise??? Promise!??!?!

Nicole @ "Haute Runner" said...

Hahahahaha can't stop laughing!!

Amber said...

I'm reading this at work and tears are leaking out of my eyes, lol!