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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Why, Hello Soapbox! Yes, I'd love to Step Up!

Now that Memorial Day has passed, and summer has officially arrived, everywhere I look (ie, Facebook, the shiny magazines at the grocery store), I see articles and posts about getting ready for a "bikini body."

These articles are loathsome since they prey on people's bodily insecurities, are often condescending, and truthfully should read: "Pinpoint the parts of your flabby ass that you hate enough to change, then hold yourself to impossibly high standards of exercise and nutrition to try and melt that flabby ass away, then hate yourself for falling short of the impossibly high standards."

Equally, though, I also dislike the opposite "Love your flabby ass with all its extra assiness" articles.  Both, I think, say something similar (even though I doubt that's their intention): Dwell on your body and take up emotional real estate with that contemplation.

So, if I'm complaining about both, what kind of health/exercise/body image article titles would I like to see?

How about:

"Exercise!  It makes you feel less bitey and ensures you don't end your day mumbling incoherent fragments while bouncing your forehead off the wall"?


"10 ways exercise will make you strong so that you don't throw up each time you have to push your kids around the zoo"?

Maybe even:

"If you eat a balanced diet, sleep 8 hours a day, exercise, and spend time relaxing, you'll have a higher quality of life and MIGHT even live longer"?

Lastly, perhaps:

"Like your bod enough so you don't have any damaging complexes but not so much you post obnoxious abs selfies"?

I doubt I'll see those headlines anytime soon.  

Too wordy, right?


MCM Mama said...

LOL! I love your headlines. I might add "3 cardio workouts you can do so that your children live to see the next day". Not that I know anything about that...

Jess said...


Julie D said...

I'd take "Exercise: you'll feel better... really."

Kimberly said...

LOVE. Last one, especially.

Unknown said...

Amen, sister!

Robyn said...

I would totally buy your magazine!

Debbi said...

Someone on Facebook was saying today that tank top arms are the new bikini body. She suggested the best way do get them is to insert your arms into the small holes of a tank top.

Great headlines! Exercise keeps me young, and that's a fact.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, if people start now they may have a bikini body by December. Christmas in Florida!

Mom, inc. said...

"extra assiness" omg lol! you crack me up. this is all good stuff and so true. you seriously need a regular column to set the record straight re body image