Senior Discount Friday

Sometimes, living FL, especially as we do -- in a condo, on a golf course, near many retirement communities -- can make us feel as though we are just a hop, skip and a jump away from the delights of being geriatric. And last night, we got a little window into the wide, wide, world of the elderly.

See, we were fishing around last night for something to do, so after we ate dinner, I asked: "Well, do you wanna see a movie?" Jerry brightened at the idea, "Can we go to the dollar theater?" he asked.

It's actually the $3 theater (a $1 on Tuesdays though) and they show relatively new releases; they're just a few weeks or a month older than what's in the regular theater. We've never actually been to the $3 theater -- mostly because I'd always assumed it was skeezy, but some friends had recently assured us that it was perfectly nice. It just happens to be very close to one of the largest retirement communities in the country, King's Point. (I know, I know, something about the name of that community makes you think that all those old people should be running around in black leather jackets, doesn't it?) And old people love a bargain. So does Jerry.

So, we decided to see the 7 pm showing of "Leatherheads," and I would label the movie "alright." Worth a combined purchase of $6, but I wouldn't pay any more to see it. I like George Clooney, he's always charming, and I love "Jim" from "The Office," but I think Rene Zellweger has squinty eyes in a puffy face and that distracts me. Plus, really, the story kind of dragged. Anyhoo...it didn't matter that the movie was just so-so because the real entertainment came from the theater.

Every time the lights would brighten, so you could look out across the audience, it was a sea of gray hair, styled into that curly fuzz that all old women must wear after age 70. And while I would say a theater of old people are better than a theater of teenagers, they still talked through the whole thing and frequently got up and came back. At least no cell phones were ringing.

Anyway, the most hilarious part of the evening came right at the end. The two old ladies in front of us started gathering their things about 15 minutes before the movie ended, and then about 3 minutes before it was actually over, they started to get up and leave (I don't know, maybe traffic back into King's Point is a bitch on a Friday night at 9 pm), and the one lady leans on her cane and exits up the aisle; then, her friend, rises and -- rips butt. Seriously, she let a fart go that was audible from Georgia. But, at first, neither Jerry nor I were sure of what we'd heard, but then she let another rip. Brrrrrwp! We turned and looked at each other and tried to keep our laughter in, but then, we both just burst out laughing. Thankfully, she was already halfway up the aisle when we lost control of ourselves. When we got outside, I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

See, this is exactly the best part of getting old: You can rip ass in public and not care. Because you're old. You do what you want.