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Saturday, April 26, 2008

Senior Discount Friday

Sometimes, living FL, especially as we do -- in a condo, on a golf course, near many retirement communities -- can make us feel as though we are just a hop, skip and a jump away from the delights of being geriatric. And last night, we got a little window into the wide, wide, world of the elderly.

See, we were fishing around last night for something to do, so after we ate dinner, I asked: "Well, do you wanna see a movie?" Jerry brightened at the idea, "Can we go to the dollar theater?" he asked.

It's actually the $3 theater (a $1 on Tuesdays though) and they show relatively new releases; they're just a few weeks or a month older than what's in the regular theater. We've never actually been to the $3 theater -- mostly because I'd always assumed it was skeezy, but some friends had recently assured us that it was perfectly nice. It just happens to be very close to one of the largest retirement communities in the country, King's Point. (I know, I know, something about the name of that community makes you think that all those old people should be running around in black leather jackets, doesn't it?) And old people love a bargain. So does Jerry.

So, we decided to see the 7 pm showing of "Leatherheads," and I would label the movie "alright." Worth a combined purchase of $6, but I wouldn't pay any more to see it. I like George Clooney, he's always charming, and I love "Jim" from "The Office," but I think Rene Zellweger has squinty eyes in a puffy face and that distracts me. Plus, really, the story kind of dragged. Anyhoo...it didn't matter that the movie was just so-so because the real entertainment came from the theater.

Every time the lights would brighten, so you could look out across the audience, it was a sea of gray hair, styled into that curly fuzz that all old women must wear after age 70. And while I would say a theater of old people are better than a theater of teenagers, they still talked through the whole thing and frequently got up and came back. At least no cell phones were ringing.

Anyway, the most hilarious part of the evening came right at the end. The two old ladies in front of us started gathering their things about 15 minutes before the movie ended, and then about 3 minutes before it was actually over, they started to get up and leave (I don't know, maybe traffic back into King's Point is a bitch on a Friday night at 9 pm), and the one lady leans on her cane and exits up the aisle; then, her friend, rises and -- rips butt. Seriously, she let a fart go that was audible from Georgia. But, at first, neither Jerry nor I were sure of what we'd heard, but then she let another rip. Brrrrrwp! We turned and looked at each other and tried to keep our laughter in, but then, we both just burst out laughing. Thankfully, she was already halfway up the aisle when we lost control of ourselves. When we got outside, I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

See, this is exactly the best part of getting old: You can rip ass in public and not care. Because you're old. You do what you want.

19 comments:

Betsy said...

Our dollar theater is five dollars - but that includes popcorn and a coke. I love it.

Running Jen said...

Great story! You don't mean Kings Point in the Delray area by any chance, do you? My husband's grandparents lived there up until a few months ago. Any time we'd visit, husband would call the area "retirement row", or something to that affect. LOL

Kevin said...

Yeah so thats what is was I heard here last night in Georgia.

I never quite understood all the old women in south florida who would dye their hair blue. Oh and you better not get between them and their early bird specials.

Running Knitter said...

That is so funny!

teacherwoman said...

That is hilarious! We have a dollar theatre similar here, but I have never been. I enjoy taking part in Red Box and renting a movie for a dollar every once and a while!

sRod said...

That is hilarious! I say you got a bargain: two shows for just $6.

Marcy said...

ROFLMAO HAHAHAHAAA That's one cool (and sometimes uncool) about the geriatric population, they just don't give a f*ck.

I hope it didn't smell :-X :-X

Wes said...

Old people are so funny. FYI: I couldn't even tell your tooth was chipped. Sorry if I've been disturbing you with my rip roaring farting :-)

MN Mom said...

Nothing that exciting has happened when we've been there. Darn. I told you it was a great place. However, I truly suggest not going on Tuesday's cause when it's a buck those old farts are standing in lines clear around the block!
I can't wait until I am old (er) so I too can let it rip whenever too! Oh wait--I do that now!

The Young Family said...

I know I am new to your blog, but I had to comment and tell you you truly made me laugh out loud! Great story.

Em

Lisa - Slow & Steady said...

Funny stuff. Maybe she had her hearing aid turned down since she wasn't staying for the end of the movie anyway...may have never even known how loud that was. LOL

L*I*S*A said...

hell, I'll rip ass in public at age 40 and not give a damn.

I thought I heard something here in Michigan. ;)

SLB said...

Looks like we both got a vision of the future this week!

Ted said...

Let's see... I have about 27 more years before I can actually do it loudly in the public.

Firefly's Running said...

ROFL! That's hillarious!

chia said...

Wow. That's always funny when it's not in an enclosed venue... like a bus :-(. I had a lady bust ass right on my arm once.

Cara said...

oh man I used to work next to this older lady (in an open cube type of thing) and she would fart 15 times a day or more. it was soo hilarious at first, I almost died from keeping the laughter in.

Your story makes me laugh just imagining it! hahaha.

Mendy said...

Now, that's hilarious!

I do want to see Leatherheads, primarily because it was filmed here in downtown Greenville, and the football stadium is where I went to HS. They have now built a newer one, so they used our old school. I spent 4 years marching on that football field.

MissAllycat said...

She probably didn't even hear you laughing...Bell tone! Miracle Ear!