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My real life is a lot like THS (True Hollywood Story) except there's no fame, fortune, or drug addiction. Instead, I'm happily married, have two children, and a dog who's prone to barfing at 3 am. I love them all, but I also have to run away from them every day. I always run back, though.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Hell is Called Ft Lauderdale

Spring-time in South Florida: longer, hotter, more humid days followed by little relief after sundown and the beginning of the rainy season. Lovely.

While everyone in the northern states is rejoicing at the sight of green grass and sunny days, we here in the tropics are entering the dreadedly hot months, better known here on the blogosphere as the season of "Jess' bitching and moaning about the heat and humidity." Thus, commences the season. So, from here until about October, prepare yourselves for near-daily groaning about how running here feels like running underwater, and you can brace yourselves for phrases such as: "hotter than Hades," "sweating more than a whore in church," and "good god, I thought I was going to burst into flames."

This evening the change in season became clear to me while I was out on my 4 miler, so I'll give you a peek into my thought process so you may understand:

Mile 1: 9:20
Ahhh, this feels nice. The sun is setting, there's a light breeze; it's not so bad out here.

Mile 2: 9:12
Phew, it's a little warmer than I at first thought. Where'd that breeze go? Ack! A bug just flew into my mouth! Blech-blech. Damn bugs. Oh, christ on crutches! I nearly stepped on that lizard! Damn lizards.

Mile 3: 9:36
Fuck me. It's hot out here. I'm sweatin' like my students do during a pop quiz. I can feel my face pulsing! Bet I look like a tomato.

Mile 4: 9:39
Holy hell, when will these four miles come to an end? My fingers feel a little swollen, I just swallowed another goddamn bug, another lizard nearly kamikazeed its way under my shoe, and I think my eyebrow just melted into my eyeball.

Total Time: 37:50
I need a bottle of water, a cold shower, and air conditioning. Stat.

So...yeah...I got home and checked the temp (believing it to be somewhere between 1 million and 2 million degrees) and it was only 80 with 61% humidity. Um, that's not that hot. It's gonna get a whole lotta-hotta in here in the next few months. Did I really forget about that?

Anyway, guess I'll adjust. Right now, I have to go get ready to head out to the bar for some more Rock Band where cold, frosty beer awaits me. So, I'll catch ya later. Rock on.


Viv said...

Ah, Jess the humidity will getcha. it's humid like that here too but FL is worst. My Mom sent me some pics from this weekend in Hallandale and by her hair i could tell it was spring in FL!

your rants are funny though :-)

Running Knitter said...

We don't have the humidity, but we do have the heat, and already I dread it. We'll be suffering together this summer.

Doug said...

On the bright side, we won't hate you anymore until you start complaining about "cold" 60 degree runs next winter!

In Kentucky, the weather is perfect now. But I'll be in the same boat as you in a month or two, I bet.

robtherunner said...

I would love to have your weather right now, but I am sure I would feel similar the hotter it got. I love the heat, but I live in the PNW where heat is a rarity. Way to get the 4 miler done. Enjoy the beer!

Firefly's Running said...

I don't like the humidity too, but I would love to see warm temps. Enjoy the beer!

misti said...

This spring has been warmer and wetter than normal it seems. This seems more like June than April!!

But it is nice outside... ;)

teacherwoman said...

"I bet I look like a tomato." - That is what I usually feel like! Go, enjoy that cold, frosty beer! You earned it!

Laura N said...

It was only 73 here today and it was pretty stinking hot on my run, compared to the lovely 50s and 60s of this weekend. So I totally know what you mean about 80 + humidity being hot. It gets hot and humid up here all summer, too. It's not Florida hot, but we still get plenty sticky. I'll be bitchin' and moanin' with you in a couple of months (if it even takes that long).

L*I*S*A said...

Christ on crutches.

Love it.

J~Mom said...

I seriously don't know how you do it in that humidity! And I am with ya...about ready to start complaining about the temps here. I am really feeling it.

AnthonyP said...

If Lauderdale is Hell, what does that make Miami (where I grew up) ? Hell's basement ?

I know all about those hot Florida months. One piece of advice...even on your short runs, take a hand held bottle with you (water or sports drink) and sip on it every 3 or 4 minutes. It will help big time.

Views from a director said...

Ha! What we wouldn't give for some 80's right now in Minnesota there's tons of ice on the lakes and its been spitting snow every day lately. We're happy when we crack the 50's

Marcy said...

I don't blame you for bitching and moaning. The heat I can deal with, but the humidity is a PITA!

keith said...

always the humidity, man. it's 40 degrees out and humid and it makes it actually feel...colder.

sRod said...

I grew up just south of you--that humidity is a bitch Every time I go visit my parents, it's torture because it's bright and beautiful and then you open the door and you realize that you're in a swamp. The only thing I miss is the heat tolerance I had when I was there.

D10 said...

Ah, sounds like me last summer. I can't wait to see what mother nature brings to NC this year! Nice run!

Jamoosh said...

You must embrace the humidity!

Houston, TX

Non-Runner Nancy said...

I wondered why I always sweat so much in church. :D

It always amazes me how much we can be suprised by the change in the seasons. We so easily forget from one to the next what it will be like again. 80 and humid is pretty hot for a run. Don't you add 20 degrees as a rule of thumb for how hot it will feel when running? How early are we going to need to run??

Mendy said...

LMAO at that post! Thanks for the breakdown of miles.

I hear ya on "it not that hot". I ran last week in the 70's and was like "OMG, why so hot". it's just that it was the beginning. And today of course, it was in the 50's. I hate the way our temps get high then drop 20 degrees.

The months are coming, and I won't care one bit if you complain. I despise running in the heat too. So, I'll be on the same page.

audgepodge said...

Uh oh... so what do you think the temps will be like for the Disney 15K? I think it starts at 6AM so hopefully it won't be too bad???

Em said...

It's funny isn't it, how we all think the grass is greener?!! I'm so envious of you living in Florida! But I can see how the heat and humidity gets to you.

But last week, here in the east of England, we thought spring had sprung (and I was at last out running in shorts and a T-shirt), then the next day it snowed and I was back to my 'winter woolies'!!

Crystal said...

i hear ya! i'm already sulking a bit over the increase in humidity. the only good thing i get out of it is the pool will finally warm up.