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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Hello, Heartburn

I'm Jess. And before I was pregnant, we'd never really been formally introduced. But now that I am 7 months pregnant, you and I have come to be on familiar terms, haven't we? At first you just tentatively edged your way into my life late at night or during a run, but now you seem to think you're welcome to arrive at any time, including an unannounced visit in the afternoon after I only committed the marginal sin of drinking a lemonade (yes, I'll concede red sauces and pizza to you, but c'mon, lemonade? it's practically just juice!*).

Well, I've got news for you buddy. I have recently discovered Tums Smoothies, and guess what? Those good people at Tums had the genius to combine the esophagus soothing qualities of Tums with the consistency of a large Smartie! What does this mean for you and your attempts to consistently ninja your way into my everyday life? Well, in case you haven't heard, I love Smarties, so I no longer dread having to chew a chalky antacid; no, instead I bolt to the medicine cabinet at the first wicked signs of your acidic bubbling and I munch down 2 of those delicious acid-fighting agents, and then you're eradicated! Ha.

So, while I will allow that you and I will most likely continue to associate with one another for the next few months, I want you to know that I will not accept our association without large quantities of these Smartie-esque Tums as chaperone. I am certain they are available in bulk, so you will go down, heartburn. Downtown.

Sincerely,
Jess

*Okay, so the label on the lemonade says it only contains 10% juice. But that's more than 0%!

P.S. I didn't run yesterday: Jerry, Scooter and I went for a family walk instead. And I didn't get up early to run this morning either and now it's raining sideways, so me thinks there will be no running today either.

23 comments:

sara said...

you poor thing! i can relate--i've started getting heartburn around 3am when i work nights. not every night but sheesh, its been enough to make me run to the drug store first thing after work.

i had some liquid antacid (i don't remember the name of it) that was actually pretty tasty. but then again, i seem to have a higher tolerance to these things than other people.

hope you have a great weekend!

Wes said...

Ahhh... I feel your pain. If TUMS is too much of a hastle, Ranitidine is a good cheap all day "fix"...

Anonymous said...

And Tums have calcium, too!

Take that heartburn!

Jess said...

Heartburn doesn't sound like fun but I'm glad you found some delicious Tums to knock it out!

X-Country2 said...

Downtown! Ha.

Mary said...

My 9 year old loves "American Smarties", (British ones are like m&m's, except better.) so I know that they do come in a big version -- actually bigger than Tums. That is what he always wants in his Christmas stocking.

Jamoosh said...

Citrus. One of heartburn's buddies. Damn you lemonade.

Marlene said...

Heartburn is the worst! Glad you've found something tasty that works. (I HATE regular Tums. Gag)

Krissy said...

I found your site a while back (being a fellow runner & pregnant also due in August I love your blog!) Anywho....this entry you just wrote cracks me up! Your writing is truly hysterical and I find it so amusing. I have been gone for about a month from your site but I spent yesterday at work catching up on it becasue it is so funny to me. thanks for the laughs and keep up the running! I recently just stopped (at week 26 1/2)so I am in the pool alot more & speed walking/elliptical at the gym,etc...still lifting weights and everything but running just got me feeling strange for some reason. I tried to fight it for about 2 weeks and then felt like if something is off and keeping me from enjoying the run I should hang up the towel for now. Anyways, you are a true motivation for many people not just fellow runners. I just wanted you to know :)

-Kristine...all the way from Bristol,CT!

Mrs. K said...

poor thing...heartburn stinks...tums is your best friend indeed

d.a.r. said...

Yikes!!! At least you found something that works. I seriously adore Tums. In college, I convinced our team trainer that I could eat a few Tums each day instead of swallowing a giant calcium supplement. Deeeelish!

P.O.M. said...

Damn that heartburn. Give it to 'em good!

I used to get it really bad when I was overweight and ate horribly. Once I got that under control, I only get it now from too much red wine. But it still sucks.

Casey said...

I wrote this song for you. It's to the tune of "Sound of Silence". I call it "Smarty Tums".

Hello heartburn, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a fire's softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was eating,
And the pain that was planted in my chest
Won't remain
Within the path of smarty tums.

I know I'll be humming it when I'm grabbing my Tums next time. :)

Amanda said...

I have never had heartburn so I can't sympathize personally, but my hubby has it pretty bad and it makes him miserable. I'll have to tell him to check out the Tums Smoothies! And smarties are soooo good!!

Crystal said...

I've only had heartburn once in my life and it totally sucked so I can only imagine your irritation with it. Enjoy those tums!

Erin said...

Oh no! When the tums quit working their magic-talk to your doctor. I didn't think it was a big deal so I suffered for MONTHS before I said something. Then I found out I could take Zantac while pregnant.

Are you like me and only like certain flavors/colors? I have a half jar of red and green ones I didn't like (regular, not the smoothies). I am an orange and yellow fan.

MCM Mama said...

Ugh! on the heartburn. I had it 24/7 my entire pregnancy with Shoo. If you like papaya, it does a wonderful job on it. I would have been eating a bottle of tums a day without it.

AKA Alice said...

OMG...I ate sooooo many Tums when I was preggers that I can no longer even look at them (or Smarties for that matter), but when I was preggers, they were the best!!! (I eventually moved onto the mint Tums because the fruit flavored ones made me nauseous.

kelsalynn said...

Too funny! You tell that heartburn who's boss!!!!

Carly said...

heartburn sucks! I am glad the smoothies are helping.

Anonymous said...

I swear water gave me heart burn when I was pregnant. I did find that mints also worked to relieve the pain. And they are yummy!
Sheryl

brunettechicagogal said...

Hi, stranger! I decided to check out the blogs I used to read to see if anyone was still keeping theirs up (looks like I'm the only loser who fell off the wagon), and I see that you are having a baby!!!!!!! That's awesome. And what's even more awesome is that SO AM I!!!! I'm not due until the beginning of January, but this time things are looking really good. I wish you the best (you look great, by the way)!

Chicago Kathleen, aka Brunette Chicago Gal

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