I'm Jess. And before I was pregnant, we'd never really been formally introduced. But now that I am 7 months pregnant, you and I have come to be on familiar terms, haven't we? At first you just tentatively edged your way into my life late at night or during a run, but now you seem to think you're welcome to arrive at any time, including an unannounced visit in the afternoon after I only committed the marginal sin of drinking a lemonade (yes, I'll concede red sauces and pizza to you, but c'mon, lemonade? it's practically just juice!*).
Well, I've got news for you buddy. I have recently discovered Tums Smoothies, and guess what? Those good people at Tums had the genius to combine the esophagus soothing qualities of Tums with the consistency of a large Smartie! What does this mean for you and your attempts to consistently ninja your way into my everyday life? Well, in case you haven't heard, I love Smarties, so I no longer dread having to chew a chalky antacid; no, instead I bolt to the medicine cabinet at the first wicked signs of your acidic bubbling and I munch down 2 of those delicious acid-fighting agents, and then you're eradicated! Ha.
So, while I will allow that you and I will most likely continue to associate with one another for the next few months, I want you to know that I will not accept our association without large quantities of these Smartie-esque Tums as chaperone. I am certain they are available in bulk, so you will go down, heartburn. Downtown.
*Okay, so the label on the lemonade says it only contains 10% juice. But that's more than 0%!
P.S. I didn't run yesterday: Jerry, Scooter and I went for a family walk instead. And I didn't get up early to run this morning either and now it's raining sideways, so me thinks there will be no running today either.