Remember how, a couple of weeks ago, I had a dryer sheet in my running shorts? Seemed odd then, right? Well, it happened again! But this time, I got nearly half a mile into my run before I detected the weird bunching. At least this time, I easily recognized the culprit instead of puzzling over the weird feeling in my shorts first.
This time, I didn't bother hanging on to it for my entire run, and I did the inconceivable; I littered.
Maybe it's because I committed the environmental sin of littering that Mother Nature decided to incite retaliation, I don't know, but in the subsequent miles following the dryer sheet discovery, I came upon a plague: The small, black bugs. I ran through clouds of them along my route tonight, and in my 3rd mile, one of those little fuckers kamikazed right into my eye!
I apologize for littering, Mother Nature, but I feel compelled to still take a moment to directly address the small, black bugs.
Dear bugs:
Why must you insist on flying into human orifices? Nose, eyes, mouth, you know these are certain death traps, correct? You will die there, and worse still, you cause discomfort and swearing on behalf of the human who must now scrape your carcass out of his or her sullied nose/eye/mouth. It's an undignified death. Try to avoid it and watch where you're going. We'll both be happier if you do.
Sincerely,
Jess
22 comments:
The bugs suck. They are just coming out here in Minnesota and I can't breath through my nose while running, so my mouth turns into a bug magnet. Ugh.
The dryer sheets must really like your shorts. Blame the littering on the pregnancy, how can anyone get made at a pregnant woman.
Weird feeling in your shorts - that's what she said!! har har har Sorry, I'll go back to my lurker hole now. (Yes, I am 12)
Bugs DO suck. I've had lots of bugs in my eyes but none seem to hit my cheeks, how come they go for the good stuff first!?
I hate swarms of bugs. And you're right, the ones that head directly for your eye or mouth? They're the worst.
Those bugs have been out around here lately I I keep taking big mouthfuls. EWWW. I'm afraid to breathe!
The question is did you run through the swarm with arms flailing, looking like a tard?
Those bugs are nasty even if you aren't running. There is a cloud in our driveway I have to hold my breath through every night when I come home. When I inhale them, I have to remind myself they are protein.
Yuck...hate bugs!
Love your pics - you are glowing and looking great!
ha! Dryer sheet again!
... I don't use them anymore. I use Norwex dryer balls. Better for the environment too! ;)
LMAO...most respectful bug letter EVAH!!!!
(hate the little buggers...really I do)
Maybe a liquid fabric softener should arrange itself in your laundry soon. I think you secretly love that bunching feeling! LOL....
They're disgusting in your mouth, tickle up your nose, and are down right painful in the eye! Stupid bugs!
I concur. Wholeheartedly.
Don't be a l'il black bug hater! That's flying protein!! Every runner's nutrition au natural!!! :-)
Hahaha nice letter. Sorry you got attacked lol!
I sniffed a bug earlier this week and freaked the f out. Have you seen the movie previews where that lady has a bug crawl in her nose at night and turns pyscho?! AHHH!
Oooh, someone pissed mother nature off... not a good place to be. That mother nature holds grudges.
I hate those little bugs, hopefully they'll take your letter to heart (do they have hearts?) and listen to what it is you have to say.
Usually when I see thousands of black spots before me it's the delirium tremens.
i had a bug fly into my mouth on a run just last week. it's nasty. and ah feel yo pain.
Ha, on both accounts the bugs and the dryer sheets. You need to just use liquid fabric softner.
YUCK i hate bugs :(
That is the weirdest thing! I'm sure the dryer sheet is good for the environment...
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