Remember how, a couple of weeks ago, I had a dryer sheet in my running shorts? Seemed odd then, right? Well, it happened again! But this time, I got nearly half a mile into my run before I detected the weird bunching. At least this time, I easily recognized the culprit instead of puzzling over the weird feeling in my shorts first.
This time, I didn't bother hanging on to it for my entire run, and I did the inconceivable; I littered.
Maybe it's because I committed the environmental sin of littering that Mother Nature decided to incite retaliation, I don't know, but in the subsequent miles following the dryer sheet discovery, I came upon a plague: The small, black bugs. I ran through clouds of them along my route tonight, and in my 3rd mile, one of those little fuckers kamikazed right into my eye!
I apologize for littering, Mother Nature, but I feel compelled to still take a moment to directly address the small, black bugs.
Why must you insist on flying into human orifices? Nose, eyes, mouth, you know these are certain death traps, correct? You will die there, and worse still, you cause discomfort and swearing on behalf of the human who must now scrape your carcass out of his or her sullied nose/eye/mouth. It's an undignified death. Try to avoid it and watch where you're going. We'll both be happier if you do.