About Me

My Photo
My real life is a lot like THS (True Hollywood Story) except there's no fame, fortune, or drug addiction. Instead, I'm happily married, have two children, and a dog who's prone to barfing at 3 am. I love them all, but I also have to run away from them every day. I always run back, though.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Shopping

Thursday is my long day at school since I teach a night class and I usually just stay on campus between my afternoon and evening classes in order to catch up with work. But today, without much to catch up on, I decided to get outta here for a bit and do a little shopping. Or, "browsing," I should say since I think "shopping" implies some manner of direction and I was just kinda wandering aimlessly.

While shopping, I was reminded of my love of two unattainable things: tall boots and a winter coat. Well, the first is unattainable; the second is just impractical.

See, every fall, I see the shoe stores lined with tall boots. Beautiful, tall boots. But aside from the fact that few come in my size, I can never wear these tall boots because I have such gigantor calves. That's right. The boots won't zip all the way up because of my meaty forelegs. But each year I try. I think to myself: "Self, maybe this year, the styles will be a bit wider and thus more accommodating for a generous calf like the one you possess; or maybe, who knows? Perhaps your calf is skinnier this fall than it was last fall."

So, standing there in DSW, I took my shoe off, pulled a gorgeous Nine West boot from the box, inhaled its intoxicating leather scent and tried to zip that fucker up. Could I? Of course not. If I would've tugged on that zipper any more, I would have zippered my calf-skin into the boot and I promise I would have been howling in pain in the back of ambulance instead of back here in my office telling you my boot-woes.

Damn. Another fall, and I'm no closer to fitting my fat calves into pretty boots.

That's how I found myself standing in Old Navy lusting after the cutest winter coat. Coats, unlike evil boots, always fit. And there was this cute winter pea coat with these little fake bone toggles that was just too awesome on me. And for $70? Seems like a steal, right?

Well, not if you live in a climate where a coat is not necessary. It rarely dips into cold temps here, so winter wear is totally impractical. Part of me wants to buy it for the trips we make to MN at Christmas (once every other year), but since I know we're not going this year and since I know that next fall a newer, cuter coat will catch my eye, I know that the pre-emptive purchase would be silly. But this logic didn't help lessen the lust I felt for that coat.

*Sigh.* I guess I should just be thankful that I kept all my money in my pocket instead of wishing for the purchases I just can't have.

Oh, I did buy a Nike visor for running though. That kinda made me feel better.

22 comments:

Wes said...

Not having a set of boots to fit fat fore legged women is just wrong, I tell ya!

ws said...

I have boots, I think they are Kenneth Cole Reaction and they are stretchy without a zipper - because, well, any boots with a zipper wouldn't fit.

I too lust after winter coats and over the summer I bought one at the Patagonia outlet in Maine because it was like 65% off. I would look at in my closest and try to make excuses to wear it, but windproof fleece has no place in FL. Anyway, I was excited to wear it for 10 days up in NY where it was cold enough. Sadly, that was about the highlight of my time in NY. (DC, different story, of course)

FL just feels right these days and the friggin' awesome weather makes it even better.

CollegeGirl said...

My problem is opposite of yours. I usually have too skinny of legs to properly fill out those tall lovely boots. AND my foot is too damn small. GRRR

Badgergirl said...

I lurk, but I I feel your tall boot envy. I can't zip the tall boots either. And they look so pretty.

J~mom said...

I totally feel your pain. I long for sweaters.....gloves...even a scarf. I did buy a sweater vest and we will see if I ever get the chance to wear it. It does look a bit funny with shorts.

Ryan said...

Here's what I am gonna do for you Jess(because I love to help). Tomorrow evening I will go out of my way to a strip club and ask around about tall leather boots. There might even be a boot-maker stripper from Yugoslavia dancing. Granted stripper boots are usually vinyl with high-high heels, but they might be able to lead me in the right direction. I fear I will not be able to ask about winter coats though, that may be a tad too much clothing.

Jes said...

Oh I have tall boot envy myself... but I am poor and cannot justify buying them. *sigh*

Marcy said...

OK I won't even comment on the winter coat thing because I'm DREADING the day I have to whip mine out of the closet. And that day is coming soon. Very soon.

I feel your pain kinda. Even though I can zip my calves into boots it's JUST barely. Sometimes I get pinched when zipper is on it's way up :(

Shannon said...

I too suffer from fat-calvedness. I blame my father, I soo have his calves. Obviously there is a market for plus-size boots. We just need a catchy name. I'm too tired to think of one though. :)

Just12Finish said...

That zipping up description was hilarious!

miss petite america said...

i know exactly how you feel on the boot thing. i have to find ones that stretch and that can be hard to find. sometimes even when i do find them, they look odd because they are so tight on my huge calves and so loose on my tiny ankles.

i haven't had to use my beautiful wool coats since i moved back west. it is sad...

David said...

Funny how the mere title made me zone out. I hate shopping. I like buying what I need, but only when I need it. Well, except for bike parts and fitness gear. Lots of those are "need" or future need.

Non-Runner Nancy said...

okay, it's settled. You and Wendy need to visit and bring your coats. We can shop for real food and cook for Wendy and you guys can wear your coats. I think we should wait until it snows, a lot, then you can make snow families with my kids!!

Susan said...

The boot thing I can relate to!!! I had to have cowboy boots custom made to even fit. They are shorter than normal so they don't get to the calf muscle!! ;-( But I also have trouble with pants legs. They catch on my calves and I have to try to discreetly pull them down!! Any they want me to work my calves out at the gym!!! I think NOT!!

JustJunebug said...

I am so thankful that at least here, even in Houston, we get cold enough at times to warrant a cute, cute coat.

There is one at BeBe that I must have.

And boots? Yeah, I cant go without boots in the fall, but like you, I have calf issues, but you know its been better for me the past 2 years in fitting into them. Not all the styles but enough of em to keep me happy!

RunningCrazyAfter3 said...

Alright, there is obviously a trend here. Why in the world are they not making boots that are wider? Mine zip, but it's no easy feat :P ...let me tell you.

Margo said...

I have never been able to buy tall boots that zip (even when I was slim in high school!). I too bought a stretchy pair without a zipper a couple of years ago, but the heel is so high that I hardly wear them because they are so uncomfortable! When I was in high school, my father told me that I had "football player calves". Yeah, dad, that's the kind of thing that a teenage girl needs to hear! I've never let him live it down either!

Sarah said...

Yup, big calves here too. I'm sad I can't rock the tall boots.

Laurel said...

Spoken like a true Floridian.

"I skipped the coat for the thing that will keep the blinding sun out of my eyes."

I feel your pain. I just bought a beautiful chocholate brown corduroy coat from the Gap that I wore while I was in Columbus. I am sure I will never see that coat again.

brunettechicagogal said...

I think J.Crew makes boots in several calf sizes. They're expensive boots, but nevertheless...

I can't get a lot of the boots zipped up, either. And my calves are pretty average. So that should serve as some consolation.

Mendy said...

Ahh... that's too bad, Jess. I love my black boots, but they're not the zip up kind (I probably couldn't wear them either). They just pull up and liken Wendy said, the stretchy kind.

Thanks, though for reminding me that I need a new winter coat. Blah....

Krista said...

I thought I was the only one who had this problem!!!! I'm very, very glad to hear someone else admit to the meaty calve problem - it's been haunting me for years as well.