Because it's Monday and I have nothing else to write about, and because some of you requested the "sink story" after Saturday's post, I decided that I will tell you the story. Although, I feel as though I may have set you up to expect a funnier and/or more interesting story than it really is. Anyway, without further ado: I present "The Sink Story" aka "Things Jess Does that Jerry Can't Comprehend."
Back in early 2007, we were re-modeling our kitchen (pics available here), and when we ordered our countertops, I specifically remember sitting down with the countertop representative from Lowe's and specifying that we wanted "thick" countertops because I was sure to stand on them. See, for those left out there who don't know it, I'm short. Like munchkin short. So to reach things on top shelves, I use either a wooden spoon (if that thing on the top shelf is near the edge) or I hop up on the counter and either stand or kneel on it while I reach whatever object was previously out of reach.
Yes, somewhere around here I have a step stool, but in my brain, pulling that or a chair over is too much work, and I can hop up on the counter in one quick, cat-like move, so why waste my energy dragging a chair over?
Anyway, our countertops are Corian, which comes with the sink built in as one seamless piece. So after the countertops were installed, the cabinets were installed, the plumbing was hooked up again, but before the appliances were moved back in, Jerry and I had to paint the kitchen. Including the ceiling.
As we were painting the ceiling, we were using step ladders, and yes, we were even standing on the countertops to get to some sections of the ceiling. As I was working over the sink area, I found that I couldn't quite get the right height: Step ladders didn't get me high enough, but standing on the counter put me up too high, so I looked around me, and aha! I stood in the sink. This put me at just the right height to paint the section of ceiling directly above me. So I was happily painting my section when I hear Jerry screech:
"What the hell are you doing!?!"
My thought: Is this a trick question? I'm painting.
I look at my brush to make sure that I am using the correct paint, I look to the ceiling to make sure that I am painting the correct area. Check and check. I don't understand his problem, so I'm just standing there with a perplexed look on my face.
"Get out, get out!!" He's yelling.
Get out of where? I'm still confused why he's red in the face and the veins in his forehead are pulsing.
"Get out of the goddamn sink! You can't stand in there!" He yells.
I look beneath me, shrug, and step out of the sink. "What's your problem?" I ask him.
"You can't stand in the sink! What were you thinking?!" He exclaims.
"What do you mean? I thought we got the countertops with dimensions specifically sturdy enough for me to stand on!"
"That doesn't include the sink! The sink is only about an inch, maybe an inch and a half, thick. It's not meant to support your weight!"
I place my hands on my hips: "How much do you think I weigh?" I ask.
"It doesn't matter!" He's still irate. "A sink is NOT meant to support a fully grown person!"
"Fine," I assent, "I'm sorry I was standing in the sink, but I didn't know I couldn't. You never told me not to stand in the sink."
He sighs, "Well, I didn't know I would have to tell you."
The sink incident has lived in infamy in our household, and along with other things I've done, has been amongst the ways Jerry says he tests for things "a kid might do." I'm not entirely sure what he means by that, but when I climbed through the kitchen window on Saturday, I made sure I didn't stand in the sink!