Today, I'm going to the A1A expo to pick up my packet info for Sunday's race. And I'm hoping that being at the expo and getting my race info will pump me up for this event; because right now, I gotta be honest and let you know that I am not feeling in to it.
There's the doubt that I won't do well, the fear that my knee will fail me, and the general race apprehension that always makes me want to just stay in bed race day morning; however, there's also several other things weighing on me and the race feels like the least of my priorities.
I have that personal interview on Tuesday at 8 am, and that will be not just an interview, but an interview plus teaching demonstration plus grading discussion (so, they'll interview me -- standard style -- then I'll give a 20 minute presentation to showcase my skills, and then they'll give me some sample student work that I have to assess and explain why I would assess it in such a manner; that last one I'm not too concerned about b/c I'm pretty sure you could grade an essay any way you want, but it's the explanation that counts), so that has me a bit stressed and I've been thinking of it all week (most stressful aspect? what to wear!). Also, our kitchen is officially a pile of rubble and the house is in ruins right now.
I've really been a slacker in helping my husband lately and I guess I've been grumpy about the demolition disrupting my life (even though I know that when it's done -- someday -- that our condo will be lovely), so I don't think he's been too pleased with me this week either.
So, as I said, the race is not forefront on my mind, but I'm hoping that it actually serves as a distraction from these other worries and anxieties. And once I'm at the expo and I get my race stuff, it will feel more real -- I'll still have the concerns about my ability to do the race and to do it well, but come Sunday morning, I know I'll just get out there and do it -- same with that interview and same with the house (maybe).