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Saturday, September 19, 2009

Man Cold vs Woman Cold

As I mentioned yesterday, both Jerry and I have come down with a cold; however, what I failed to mention is that we have contracted two entirely separate viruses: I caught a Woman Cold and Jerry caught a Man Cold.

What's the difference? You ask. Let me tell you:

When a woman contracts a Woman Cold, she maybe feels icky enough to take something like Tylenol Cold or some similar cold product, but most likely, she won't take anything unless the situation is dire. Otherwise, the virus means that she doesn't feel great, but she goes about her day as normal. Yes, maybe that means stuffing Kleenex up her nose as she does the laundry or feeds the baby so that snot doesn't just drip out onto the floor (or on the baby's head), but essentially, a Woman Cold only slows a woman down; it doesn't take her out.

In contrast, a Man Cold is, apparently, a much more virulent strain of the same virus and it completely incapacitates a man. He must get extra sleep, and even when he's strong enough to keep his eyes open, those eyes are only strong enough to take in TV and fantasy football stats on the computer -- other physical demands are too much for him during this sensitive time. Additionally, when sick with a Man Cold, a man needs cough drops, orange juice, blankets, soft pillows, Tylenol Cold (extra strength), a hot water bottle, and plenty of Kleenex. It has also been my observation, but it hasn't been proved in clinical studies yet, that a Man Cold must be accompanied by an allergic reaction to household chores and diaper changing.

So, as you can see, a Man Cold is serious business and is far more severe than the tamer Woman Cold; therefore, I feel pretty good, but Jerry is miserable. I told him that perhaps what he really needs is some baby aspirin...he didn't take kindly to my sarcasm.

33 comments:

Hi! I'm Erin said...

Hahahahahahahah....oh, this made me laugh so much. The same thing happens in my house.

Bri said...

Excellent piece. Keep'em comin'. Your sarcasm does you proud. Oh, and tell him to get off his butt and help you out no matter how he feels, she's his daughter too!

kristen said...

Laughed out loud on this one! Gotta try my hardest to keep that Man Cold strain out of my house!

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

lol

RunningLaur said...

Haha baby aspirin. The fiance is the same way.

ps. there's a 5k division for the Fall Five Miler, if you're up for that - or since there's a week long window for the race, you could do five miles over the week. :) I like to be all inclusive.

N.D. said...

touche!!!!glad to see it is common amongst the make population.

kelsalynn said...

Hahaha! AWESOME!

I will be reading this to my husband when he gets home from work!

Hurricanehol said...

Oh my goodness! I almost spit coffee out on my computer laughing so hard! That is how it is in our house too!

JojaJogger said...

"Baby aspirin", priceless!

Erin said...

You are right on! Last night when Ryan came home I asked if he could get up with Miller as I have been getting little sleep this past week and an extra 1/2 hour to full hour would be awesome. His comment, "I am tired too." Whatever, he went to bed before 10:30 every night this week and doesn't get up until 6 something. Men.

Nicole said...

SO true!! Yet something else that they don't tell you when you're pregnant....when you're a Mommy....you don't get "sick days". Hang in there and get better soon!

HEATHER @ runfastermommy! said...

oh yes! This is why I tell everyone I have three kids. I may have only birthed 2, but the oldest in definately just as whiney...

Krissy said...

This is one of your best post by far!!! So funny. Seriously hysterical!

sara said...

lol! i think i might forward this to a few people!

Lily on the Road said...

OYE, welcome to reality, babies, Men and baybbbbb's....Get better soon Jerry!

you too Jess, we know that you are already on your way...LOL

fancy nancy said...

You are hilarious!!! My husband is the same way when he gets a cold! He spends about $80 every time at CVS and comes home with remedies I never knew existed!

Kevin said...

Very Funny

In our house it is completely the opposite

Tim Fitz said...

A man cold is very serious, especially if football is on. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsvWK_EedLU

Running Jen said...

So true! You just described the man and woman colds in my house to a tee!

sRod said...

Funny. In my house it's the other way around. Man colds are mild and woman colds are a second wave of the black plague.

Crystal said...

This analogy sounds quite familiar. I've seen something similar in my house.

Jamoosh said...

Man Cold Strain is serious sh*t. Anything less and it's just another day at work. Same principle with injuries. If our our leg breaks, we just keep working. We only stop if our leg gets cut off and even then it may be a toss up.

Wes said...

The sinister man cold... I know thee well :-)

Kaolee Hoyle said...

I just saw the picture of your baby girl! She is adorable. Congratulations again!

RunnerGirl said...

Great post! I'm sad to admit that its the opposite in my house though; I'm a total baby when I get sick but my husband handles it like a champ. Somehow, I must be coming down with a "man cold" instead of a "woman cold" :)

Agate Lake Girl said...

Too funny! I've been suffering from a little bit of the mancold this time myself - I figure I deserve to milk it after all these years.

snowygrl said...

This is so true. That is exactly what happens at my house.

Laurel said...

LOL!!! The baby aspirin joke is classic. I'm stealing that one the next time my baby, er, I mean husband is sick.

MN Mom said...

All my life I have been trying to figure out that same phenomenon and now you have cleared up the matter for me...there are two different strains of germs...men's are more serious! Why didn't I think of that.

Jessica said...

Thats a funny post!

MCM Mama said...

Oh yeah, that's exactly how it works here too!

Firefly's Running said...

You are RIGHT ON! ROFL! I love it!

Karey said...

late to the game, but I just found you after googling "man cold".... SO TRUE! I finally decided to just shut up, after realizing that the more I make fun of him the more he will complain, just to prove that his situation is THAT dire! Geez... what if men had to give birth?!