In the spring, when I was still running while preggo, I decided to ditch the Garmin because I was just getting slower and slower out there and I didn't want to look at the digits. So, I have no idea how slow I was running there at the end before I decided to take a hiatus, but my technical guess is "slow as molasses."
So, here I am 3 months later, and I decided it's time to face the numbers and see what the damage is, so on Sunday night's soaker-run, I brought along the Garmin. I told myself before setting out that I wasn't going to judge myself based on my (probably) slow pace; I was just going to accept it and use it as a starting point for my return to running.
Yeah...easier said than done.
In the first mile, when it was telling me I was running at a 12 min/mile pace, I honestly thought something must be wrong with the Garmin. Don't laugh. I seriously thought it had to be a Garmin-error. It wasn't. I was that slow. In the end, I ran 3.23 miles on Sunday evening, and I ran them in 39:07, with an average pace of 12:08/mile.
That hurts my ego to post. Now, I know I really shouldn't be hard on myself; I had a baby 5 weeks ago. I didn't run for 3 months. I can't expect to return to running (with a few preggo pounds still lingering) and bust out the 9 min miles. Blah, blah, blah. I know all this, yet I can't help but be hard on myself: 12 min miles? Can't I walk faster than that? (Answer: no. I am a very slow walker.)
And, I'll be honest here, my pride was hurt so much by those numbers that I honestly thought about keeping them a secret from you guys. But then reality set in, and I figured: Why would I hide it? I'm slow right now, but at least I'm out there. I'll get faster, with time. I'll lose those last 5 lbs, with time. I will return to being the runner I was a year ago, with time.
It's just a bit hard to adjust to. Returning to running last week felt like I was returning to an essential part of me, but finding out I'm not quite the running-me I was pre-preggo is a bit of an identity adjustment. But like all the identity adjusting that I have been experiencing since I got pregnant, I can roll with this.
I just wish the Garmin would do me a favor and lie every once in awhile.