I'm struggling this week, homies. Especially today.
There are several factors that seem to be weighing on me this week, but today, in particular, I keep feeling like I could cry at any minute. My reasons aren't very concrete, and this "blue" feeling may be PMS, but I think it's also a combination of things that are making want to crawl back into bed today.
First of all, I have had these extra classes all week, which is an extra strain on my time since I have my regular classes and grading to take care of -- a full load in and of itself. Plus, it kinda peeved me when the instructor I have been helping out waited until after 8 pm last night to ask me to sub for her 8 am class this morning. I have really been doing her a huge favor by taking over several of her classes this week as she recovers from bronchitis, yet I kinda feel as though she has been taking advantage of my generosity this week by expecting me to accommodate her classes at the last minute, and with vague instructions.
Anyway, thinking of this, plus, some of my own work, kept me up last night and I didn't sleep well. Thus, when the alarm went off this morning I literally felt a little ill myself because I was so tired. Poor sleep really affects me, and I have an already long day on Thursdays (night class keeps me here until 9:15 pm), so I wasn't really looking forward to the gray, rainy day before me.
But then, as I was walking Scooter this morning, I had a lady yell at me, and that? Well, that incident has upset me all morning. Here's what happened:
I was returning from Scooter's morning jaunt, and we were walking across our community's parking lot. Across the lot, there were two women with their dogs -- also residents of the community, I assume, and their dogs were barking and going nuts because of Scooter and I. Well, Scooter doesn't really bark, so he and I were quietly making our way towards our building when I hear: "C'mon lady! Move your ass!" What? Was she yelling at me? I turned to look towards the two women with the poorly behaved dogs, and one of them screamed at me: "Yeah, I'm talking to you! Fucking move!"
I didn't say anything. Instead, I just scurried into our condo, but I felt so flustered and furious I was shaking. So, her dogs were acting nutso, yet she was yelling at me and Scooter to move faster across the lot? It's not my fault that her dogs are badly trained and behaving obnoxiously! And I just can't believe she yelled at me like that! Part of me was so upset because I absolutely could not comprehend what had just happened -- it really did baffle me. Seriously. Why did she yell at me?
I'm not sure why this is bothering me so much today. Why can't I just brush her off as rude and incredibly obnoxious? Why do I keep repeating the incident over and over in my head, as if focusing on it will enable me to understand what happened? Why can't I let it go? Is it because I already feel "meh" today? Or am I bothered by my own non-response? Should I have yelled back at her? Should I have reacted differently?
So, that's it: I'm tired, I'm cranky, it's raining outside, and I'm upset about that woman this morning. Are those enough reasons to feel "the mean reds" today?