8 Worst Running Songs

It would be too balanced to write a "five worst running songs," so I have chosen eight, at random, as I chose most things. So, here they are in descending order:

8. "Simple Pages" by Weezer
Okay, personally, I love Weezer, huge fan, but even though their songs sound fast-paced and upbeat, they're actually kind of hard to run to. Even some tracks from their new album, which I love listening to in my car, come off as flat in my MP3 player while I'm running, and I just fast-forward through them. I do, however, always recommend Weezer when you are drunk or high -- there's no better Weezer then, especially "Island in the Sun"! Dance around drunk to that!

7. "I Will Survive" by Cake
Now the Gloria Gaynor version may be more appropriate for running because there's that disco beat, but Cake's version is just not for running. But it is an excellent song, escpecially if you've just broken up with someone and you want to give the big metaphorical "fuck you!" The lyrics don't get any better than: "I shoulda changed my fuckin locks/ I shoulda made you leave your key!" I used to live for the Tuesday nights at Hard Times in Bemidji when Junction 51 would play this version! Yeah, that's good revenge music, just not good running music.

6. "Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel
Now this may seem obvious to some, but for many of us it's hard to seperate the songs we truly love from the ones that we want to run to. I grew up on this song. It doesn't get any better than John Cusack standing outside Ione Skye's window in "Say Anything" with that boom box blasting this song. Now that's love, with L-O-V-E! But, it's not a running song.

5. "Harder to Breathe" Maroon 5
Once again, I'm a fan of Maroon 5, no matter how much flack I may receive from the boys, but I like them. Anyway, I love the beginning of this song with its hard drum intro, but after that, it really doesn't have much to keep you going. I think Maroon 5 may be better suited to long car trips, and then, only if your boyfriend/husband/significant other will let you.

4. "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin
Okay, the classic rockers are really made for drugs, not running. And this song is certainly more fast tempoed (gotta be the most awkward musical term in history) that let's say, "Stairway to Heaven" -- which definitely is not a running song -- but it still doesn't work. Almost, but not quite.

3. "Senorita" by Justin Timberlake
Now, generally I'm all about J. Timberlake, yes, I'll admit it. But so many of his songs are dance songs, and even though that sounds like it will be a good running song, that's not actually true. Boo for Justin. Sorry, dude.

2. "Feel Like Makin Love" by Bad Company
It's for "makin love"! Jesus, do the instructions have to get more clear than that! Don't load it in your running file!

1. "Colorblind" by The Counting Crows
I totally recommend this song if you're thinking about staying home on a Friday night, lighting a few candles, taking a bath, and perhaps feeling sorry for yourself. If you want to include a few qualudes and a razor blade, this song is perfect for that. It's the most depressing song ever, not necessarily because of the lyrics (which are actually quite optimistic) but because of the slow, quiet piano which dominates the song. So, while it's good for feeling truly blue (or, really "red" as Holly Golightly says in "Breakfast at Tiffany's") about yourself, or perhaps good for a quiet afternoon alone, it is not good for running. Don't use it. But do listen to it -- excellent song, I give it four and a half out of five stars.

So, those are the eight. Eight seems like a nice, round number. But now I must trot off to bed. Hmmm, what would be good bedtime songs so I can rest and get up in the morning and run songs?