People follow predictable patterns, and I'm among them. When I walk with Norah in the morning, we always walk at about the same time, so we usually see the same other people who are out and about for their own walks or runs. And, almost every morning, we see the same woman running, and she could be on the cover of RW -- she just so perfectly "looks" like a runner: tall, lean, leggy, and always outfitted in co-ordinated tops and shorts.
Even when I'm on top of my running, I see this woman and feel a bit of hate in my heart (I am NONE of the above), but currently, when I see her, I feel a LOT of hate in my heart. Not at her specifically, she seems very nice and we always exchange a brief greeting and a smile, but more at what she represents.
For the most part, I really try to never compare myself to other runners (which is tough work as a running blogger -- many of you guys are easy to be envious of): It's not productive to compare myself to what others are able to achieve; it's best to just work my hardest, get what I want from running, and be happy with who I am as a runner. I know this. Still, sometimes I can't help but to compare, and that's one thing when I am running. But, when this fit, trim runner is effortlessly gliding past me everyday as I labor to push a 25 lbs kid in a 22 lbs stroller, along with lugging my own 23 extra pounds of self, and I'm WALKING...well, it kinda makes me feel like crud.
It's as though her physically passing me says, "Don't you wish you could run right now? And with so little effort?! Look at me! I'm just a light, little bouncy doe!"
I know this time on the bench is temporary, and I'll be back at in no time (probably pushing TWO kids in a stroller, but let's not dwell there on the extra effort THAT's gonna require), but it's still hard to be sidelined. I'll go ahead and admit it: Sometimes I'd like to trip Ms. Runner McRunnerson, and sometimes I'd like to throw virtual spitballs at all of you who are running races every other weekend, and earning yourselves new PRs and AG awards.
The urge to act out in such negative ways is, of course, tempered by the fact that I know these feelings are a bad by-product of hormones, a lack of running, and a tiny teaspoon of jealousy; I don't really want to trip anyone -- literally or virtually. Still, I'd take some degree of pleasure if that woman just tripped and fell on her own; and I wouldn't mind it if a few of you over-achievers scaled back your efforts some. You could trip and fall too.
I'd appreciate it, thanks.
22 comments:
Oh so true! But take solace in the fact that you are not alone.
I am currently jealous of everyone talking about going to races or training for races or trying to pick which races to do. I'm going to be out of commission for the entire summer and then who knows what we can afford once we have to budget it in diapers. Gah!
And don't even get me started on those people who still fit in their Tempo shorts ...
I know the feeling! I struggle with that a lot of the time, and I'm not pregnant. :) Take comfort in the fact that there is probably a mom who drives by after picking up her McGriddle and smoking her first pack of the day who looks at you and thinks "why can't I get it together like her???"
I would happily copy and paste this as my blog post for the day today.
I'm with you, 100%.
It's hard for me to squelch my inner negative nelly, and I'm NOT pregnant. You are not alone :) Just know that you are being a good active mama to your kiddos - the best YOU you can be...
And she is probably thinking to herself "wow, look at that mom still going strong!"
You aren't one to have these evil thoughts so I am definitely going with hormones as the culprit. Hang in there, soon you will return to the former Jess we all know. You will be running, and posting about pooping yourself.
I remember being pregnant with kid number 2 and watching the biggest loser while eating a bowl of ice cream and thinking to myself that some of these girls now weigh less than I do!
I giggled a little at this post, but it is oh so true. My first thought was you're probably burning just as many calories and working just as hard as she is. I agree with the comments that I bet other moms, or just women in general, feel that way when they see you out pushing Norah and looking all pregnant-fit.
LOL!
Maybe this will make you feel better - I'm running slow and getting fat and I can only blame overeating and hormones - and all I get out of it is eventual menopause. At least you get a cute baby. ;o)
Hang in there!
*ducks out of the way of spit balls*
I won't claim to know how it feels, but I DO know how hard it is not to resent other runners when I'm benched with injury or illness - so I guess I kind of know how you feel?
Great post! I know how you feel and I'm not even pregnant, just a slow runner in a land of tall skinny speedsters!!
I think we all struggle with these feelings -- I try not to get caught up in it, because then I get so digusted by my short little legs skiddling along while a longer, leaner beginner runner glides past me.
I'm sure people "hate" you, too -- you have two beautiful kids, a loving husband, are a well-liked instructor, and write really really well. Not to mention your awesome skin tone and hair color. =D I'm sure people would kill to have some of the things you have. =D
I hear ya. Last week, I actually travelled overseas for an international race (my costs were paid for because my running team won a local race and we would be competing against other winning teams from around the world). Problem is, the race I ran so well in was last June, and I am now nearly 14 weeks pregnant. My race uniform (ordered before I got pregnant) was now too small due to my preggo boobs and belly so I felt like a cow next to my skinny-mini teammates, I ran over 2 minutes per mile slower than at my qualifying race, and I was 4th from last out of the ~155 participants. While I was more doing this for the experience than the race, it was still aggravating. Hang in there, you're not the only one!
Ok, I skipped my run today for you ;)
I often feel jealousy for people that are faster than I am. I've been running for so long and I'm still kind of a slow poke. It's very easy to get frustrated.
I'm with Heather. It makes you feel better to compare yourself to the bums instead of the overachievers. Since I live in a pretty backwards unhealthy place, even though I'm not leggy, lean, or coordinated I still feel like the fitness queen here. Maybe you should move.
I did go to the YMCA two counties over today and was pretty jealous of the trainer who was working with someone right in front of my treadmill. Why can't the people with really hot bodies cover them up with ill-fitting clothes instead of ridiculous cute gym outfits? It's really not fair to the rest of us. :)
Awesome. Love it.
Stupid jealousy and hormones!! It's funny because I hope to be as dedicated a runner you are while pregnant and with young children. It always seems like the grass is greener on the other side. You will be back out there soon!! I bet hot runner girl is jealous of your cute kid!!
I love it!!!! I feel this way all the time...especially at races! My sister and I had a thing we used to say when we saw someone that was far too perfect. We would say, "She must have bad breath" or "Her feet probably smell awful!"
I'm sure I'll be suffering during my marathon in sunny warm temperatures this weekend.
Take some joy in that :)
Ah, I remember feeling the same way just a year ago, while pregnant after I got told to go on pelvic rest at 5 months along. I had been running up until then and feeling great (and like a badass I must admit).
But, soon you'll be back at it with 2 beautiful children who will be proud of their kick-ass running Mom!
I know exactly how you feel, those last 2 months of my pregnancy I had to take it very easy, basically bedrest when I was home from work and the only thing I was to do was light swimming in the pool. Nothing killed me more than to hear about my friend's workouts on Facebook everyday and how much she challenged herself each day! I was just so annoyed by it!
I just came across your blog, and I am really loving your writing style! I'll be perusing your archives.
I wanted to say that this post really resonated with me. I'm a slow runner, and I can struggle with comparisons. Just know that there are probably others out there who envy you for being a mom or for getting out there and exercising while pregnant.
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