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Thursday, April 07, 2011

10 and 2

*First off, the picture below does NOT feature Norah after consuming poop!  Goodness, what kind of parent do you think I am?  Wait...maybe don't answer that.  I thought you guys would all note the label on the post, which specified that this was her "post-fingerpainting."  That's not food or shit covering her -- it's a very washable combination of green, orange, purple, and teal paint.  Paint, people, PAINT!

Now, on to my discussion for today, which according to your comments, is right up your potty-brains' alley.

No, not poop.  I'll give you a break from that.  Potty.

Me and the potty.  Or, more specifically, 8-months-pregnant-me and the potty.

Yeah, everybody knows that pregnant women pee a lot.  It's a cliche, but it's true -- throughout pregnancy, a preggo pees.  A LOT.  This is for a variety of reasons: hormones, increased circulation of nearly everything, and the volume of water that is recommended (the growing uterus is apparently VERY demanding in terms of its water usage, but a large volume of water consumption is also necessary to avoid other potential complications: high BP, swelling, and UTIs).  But, in the 3rd trimester, a preggo has the urge to pee a lot because the size of the uterus is literally crushing the bladder.  And it's this kind of peeing that I'm here today to discuss -- because peeing, you may not know, is not always satisfactory.

See, at this point in pregnancy, I may have the URGENT need to pee; it may feel as though my molars are floating, and I will rush to the bathroom, and then...tinkle, tinkle.  That's it?  That's what sent me hurrying in here?  That ounce of liquid?  So, then, I resume doing whatever I may have been doing, but about 15 minutes later, dear GOD!  I have to pee again!  Right now!  And, yes, again...tinkle, tinkle.

The issue, of course, is that because the bladder is compressed, it can't hold much, so you feel the urgency to pee, but there's really not much in there to empty out: Sensation says you have to fill the toilet; content suggests otherwise.  Thus, the lesson all pregnant women learn is how to get a good, satisfactory pee, and it boils down to this: 10 and 2.

No, you can't just plop your ass down as you used to, legs straight in front of you, and have a good pee.  Doesn't work that way at this point.  Instead, you have to position your legs at 10 and 2, and then, lean forward a bit.  Thus, it feels as though each visit to the bathroom is some act of perfected positioning, an art form, if you will, and this is something that NO pregnancy book will inform you of.  You can read ALL ABOUT pregnancy from whatever trusted sources, and no one but your pregnant friends will tell you some of these truths about how maneuvering your cumbersome, enlarged self in the 3rd trimester is required to fulfill that simple task of emptying your frequently filled bladder.

And the irony?  You end up having the best pees in the middle of the night.  I don't know why; I just know it is: For some cruel reason, Mother Nature thinks it's funny that while you are barely conscious, you will be driven from comfortable slumber to regularly visit the bathroom throughout the night.  And that, THAT is when peeing will be easy and fruitful.  So, while it sucks being awakened every 2 hours, at least there is a satisfactory reward!

18 comments:

Marlene said...

hehehe, we were only teasing! At least, I was! I did catch the fingerpainting tag. Too funny!

I overheard someone suggest that advice once for emptying the bladder and have since recommended it to many people having the "tinkle tinkle" issue. I'm not really sure they appreciate getting advice on peeing while pregnant from someone who has never been pregnant, but I'm only trying to help!

Erin said...

So true! I was just thinking that after multiple trips all day long for what amount to a sprinkle of a tinkle. Then in the middle of the night...ahhhh....a real pee.

No pregnancy book tells you about all of the awkward positions needed for simple tasks. They figure if they tell you all the changes and inconveniences no one would reproduce ever again.

Wes said...

LOL, on all accounts :-) Does it count that I'm preggers with a six pack? I have to pee real bad too...

Kuhnaus said...

Ha ha! You are so funny...8 months and peeing is not something I am looking forward to! Lucky I'm still in my first tri. But I would agree with you that there is something completely satisfying about really peeing.

runner26 said...

So glad for this explanation! It appears I am normal then. I related to all of it!

Robin said...

I LOL'd when I read this. I perfected the art of overnight peeing when pregnant with Eva last year. I would only open one eye and not turn on any lights (there's a night light in our bathroom). I barely woke up! Of course, I was lucky and only ever needed to get up once overnight all the way up until the day I delivered.

Nobel4Lit said...

Wow... what a finding, I guess. Noted.

Agate Lake Girl said...

I like a satisfactory pee myself. I hate when you go and all you get is the tinkle, tinkle. :)

diana said...

10 and 2 is sooo true! One of the best things about not being pregnant anymore, aside from my son of course, is that my peeing is back to normal!

Firefly's Running said...

I hated the 3rd trimester trips to the bathroom. All I can think about at the end is that there's a little one arriving very, very soon.

X-Country2 said...

You need to be pregnant every 18 months. I love pregnant Jess!

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

This is so funny because it is so true. Why don't they tell women this stuff? Probably because most of them don't believe it until their sitting on the potty that they rushed to get to only to hear the unsafisfying, tinkle tinkle.

great...now I have to pee.

StephanieC said...

hahahahahaha, thanks, and noted.

Nicole @ "Haute Runner" said...

Haha awesome advice!!

d.a.r. said...

You seriously have me cracking up. I really love your honesty!

bob said...

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The Accidental Runner said...

After having 2 kids you STILL have to resort to 10 and 2 to get any satisfaction. I just don't think the body quite bounces back after carrying more than one baby!

Krissy said...

haha! so true! that is the only way to get a productive pee while preggers! this post cracked me up :)