10 and 2

*First off, the picture below does NOT feature Norah after consuming poop!  Goodness, what kind of parent do you think I am?  Wait...maybe don't answer that.  I thought you guys would all note the label on the post, which specified that this was her "post-fingerpainting."  That's not food or shit covering her -- it's a very washable combination of green, orange, purple, and teal paint.  Paint, people, PAINT!

Now, on to my discussion for today, which according to your comments, is right up your potty-brains' alley.

No, not poop.  I'll give you a break from that.  Potty.

Me and the potty.  Or, more specifically, 8-months-pregnant-me and the potty.

Yeah, everybody knows that pregnant women pee a lot.  It's a cliche, but it's true -- throughout pregnancy, a preggo pees.  A LOT.  This is for a variety of reasons: hormones, increased circulation of nearly everything, and the volume of water that is recommended (the growing uterus is apparently VERY demanding in terms of its water usage, but a large volume of water consumption is also necessary to avoid other potential complications: high BP, swelling, and UTIs).  But, in the 3rd trimester, a preggo has the urge to pee a lot because the size of the uterus is literally crushing the bladder.  And it's this kind of peeing that I'm here today to discuss -- because peeing, you may not know, is not always satisfactory.

See, at this point in pregnancy, I may have the URGENT need to pee; it may feel as though my molars are floating, and I will rush to the bathroom, and then...tinkle, tinkle.  That's it?  That's what sent me hurrying in here?  That ounce of liquid?  So, then, I resume doing whatever I may have been doing, but about 15 minutes later, dear GOD!  I have to pee again!  Right now!  And, yes, again...tinkle, tinkle.

The issue, of course, is that because the bladder is compressed, it can't hold much, so you feel the urgency to pee, but there's really not much in there to empty out: Sensation says you have to fill the toilet; content suggests otherwise.  Thus, the lesson all pregnant women learn is how to get a good, satisfactory pee, and it boils down to this: 10 and 2.

No, you can't just plop your ass down as you used to, legs straight in front of you, and have a good pee.  Doesn't work that way at this point.  Instead, you have to position your legs at 10 and 2, and then, lean forward a bit.  Thus, it feels as though each visit to the bathroom is some act of perfected positioning, an art form, if you will, and this is something that NO pregnancy book will inform you of.  You can read ALL ABOUT pregnancy from whatever trusted sources, and no one but your pregnant friends will tell you some of these truths about how maneuvering your cumbersome, enlarged self in the 3rd trimester is required to fulfill that simple task of emptying your frequently filled bladder.

And the irony?  You end up having the best pees in the middle of the night.  I don't know why; I just know it is: For some cruel reason, Mother Nature thinks it's funny that while you are barely conscious, you will be driven from comfortable slumber to regularly visit the bathroom throughout the night.  And that, THAT is when peeing will be easy and fruitful.  So, while it sucks being awakened every 2 hours, at least there is a satisfactory reward!