Yesterday morning, I was pretty good all morning as I anticipated work and daycare; truthfully, I was busy with our normal household stuff, so I wasn't thinking about it too much. Then, as we were driving there, I could feel my heart pounding and my throat constricting, but I held it together.
When I got there, I was suprised to find that Jerry had walked down from his office to join me there. He figured it was gonna be tough for me, so he wanted to be there. I really appreciated such thoughtfulness, and it certainly was nice to have him there.
I got her daily stuff unpacked and put away while her teacher was holding her, and as I was giving some feeding instructions, I started to choke up, and it was downhill from there. I cried through my "goodbye" and cried as we walked out, and I was very grateful Jerry was there to help soothe me. I got in the car and cried pretty much until I got to work, and then I was able to compose myself and remain cry-free while I worked.
As far as working, it was kinda weird being back. In a way, it was nice: I'm dressed in regular clothes (not running shorts or sweatpants), I'm doing stuff that requires more thought and skill than what goes into changing a diaper, I'm socializing with my colleagues, and I have all this freedom -- if I need to walk across campus to the library, I just walk out my office and do it; no baby, stroller, diaper bag, etc! But on the other hand, I've gotten pretty used to being at home, so being back at work was a bit disconcerting, as if I had forgotten how to do some things (like all of sudden, I have to remember my code for the copier).
And the whole time, I was thinking of Norah, wondering how she was, missing her. And it didn't help that everyone was asking me, "How's the baby?" and I would tell them she's good, and "Today's her first day at daycare" and they'd reply with, "Ohhhh, how are you doing?" Each time, I managed to control my voice as I croaked out, "Okay."
Jerry checked on her once and then called to report that she was doing fine, so that was good. And it certainly is a comfort to know he's close by.
At the end of the day, I came home and Scooter greeted me at the door, Jerry was in the kitchen starting dinner and Norah was in the living room playing happily in her activity gym. And admittedly, it was kinda nice being on that end of our domesticity. Jerry reported that daycare had gone well with her, and everything went smoothly. Of course, when I picked her up and cuddled her, I cried again -- a mixture of relief and joy.
So, all in all, everything was fine (as I knew, logically, it would be). But...I woke up this morning thinking, "I have to do that all over again today?" So, I'm sure all week will be emotionally challenging, and getting into a new routine will certainly take some getting used to, but I'm sure that each day will get easier, and soon we'll be old hats at this.