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Thursday, August 04, 2011

On Parenting

Jerry and I are always joking about the things we never thought we'd have to say (for instance: "Don't bite the dog!"  "Lotion is not food!"  and "Yes, Ryan poops in the potty."), but there is also a growing list of things we'd never thought we'd do.  On that list this week?

Hmmmm, let's see.  Well, I:

1.  Used a pair of tweezers to pull a hunk of bread out of Norah's nose at the dinner table yesterday.


2.  This afternoon, for the second time this week, I had to clean a turd up off the floor.

You envy me, don't you?

Need some elaboration?  Okay.

So, the bread up the nose first:  Norah's seems to have a propensity for nasal excavation and exploration.  It seems that every time I glance at her, she's knuckle deep in one of her nostrils, and she's not the sort of explorer who's satisfied with just a poke and prod with the end of her index finger.  No way.  This girl has so far shoved everything from popcorn to Q-tips up there, and last night, at dinner, she got a significant amount of bread up there.*

Blowing and sucking weren't working to dislodge the bread, so I fetched a pair of tweezers to nab that bread, and when I pulled it out of her nose, Jerry nearly hurled at the sight of the mucus covered foccacia.  Me?  I am beginning to think that I would've made a fine medical doctor with my tweezer precision!

So, then, on to my turd stories for the week:

Norah has been doing super duper excellent at using the potty for potty.  But she has yet to poop in there; therefore, we've been trying to make a big deal about how everyone poops in the potty (Yes, even Ryan!) and I think she's starting to catch on.  Unfortunately, in her attempts to get to the potty in time to poop in there, she has had a few "poopcidents."  She's pretty dang good at getting her pants and her diaper off, it's just hitting the potty in time that seems to be where her miscalculation lies, and on Monday, I cleaned poo off the bathroom floor, and this afternoon, I had to scoop it up off the bedroom floor.

Clearly, parenting is a dirty job.  Thankfully, it's also pretty funny!

Oh, and for those not interested in either kid boogers or kid poop, I did manage another 3 miler last night.  In 33:26, which is an average pace of 11:09/mile.  Ka-chow!

*Yes, we were present at the dinner table when she managed to MacGyver that bread up her nose.  We get an "F" in parenting for not paying attention.  In our defense: Dinner time often feels like a three ring circus and Jerry and I often strive to actively ignore both kids so we can wedge in what little conversation between the two of us that we can.  So, she gets some bread up her nose?  At least it's organic, right?


teacherwoman said...

Sounds like fun times! You guys are great parents!

JojaJogger said...

You must have been a champion at the game "Operation"!

MCM Mama said...

LMAO! I've given up on dinner time conversation with my husband. My two boys NEVER stop talking and it's just not worth the effort to try to shoehorn in a comment.

That's why we get babysitters...

Lauren said...

Awesome. That is all

Erin said...

Even when she masters pooping in the potty, you may have poop on the floor. Miller has yet to master wiping and he will sit down to put his pants back on. Well, you know skid marks happen but sometimes they are on my floor!

As for the nose thing...never let Ryan show her his quarter up the nose trick!

I can see Jerry having a fit over the booger bread. He's not one for bodily functions.

Good job Dr. Jess.

Carolina John said...

Some of my favorites:

Take your feet out of my dinner!

That's actually food, not lotion (my kids go the other way I guess rubbing yogurt on everything including the couch and TV screen)

and poop? let me tell you something about poop.

Daddy, I just took a dump outside like a real dog!

and yes, I walked outside and there, in the middle of the stone walkway through the backyard, my 5 yr old dropped trou and left a steaming pile of crap for me to clean up. Which, ironically, is why we don't have a dog anymore (I hate having a backyard filled with dog poop).

So you know the fun doesn't stop now. And every parent can tell stories like that. I think it's comforting.

The Mommy said...

My sister stuck a peanut up her nose when we were little. Ended up at the hospital to get it out!

Jamoosh said...

"Used a pair of tweezers to pull a hunk of bread out of Norah's nose at the dinner table yesterday"

See, all those times you played "Operation" is finally paying off!

Nobel4Lit said...

Oh, you're hilarious! Love some of these comments here, too!

Emily said...

This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time! Thanks for the laugh this morning. I have a 21 month old little guy, so I feel you.

Wes said...

LMAO... you are too funny, but I agree with the sentiment y'all are doing a fine job :-)

Krissy said...

I love how the dinner table sounds like in your house, it makes me feel normal that someone else's home is similar to mine at dinner time! lol

TNTcoach Ken said...

stopped reading after seeing the word elaboration............

Agate Lake Girl said...

Rylee loves the book "Everyone Poops" in case you haven't tried that. Though I guess it hasn't helped her actually get a poop in the potty either, but it's a funny read. :)

Beana said...

How is it that dinner is so crazy? We are right there with you on that. We have three kids, 7, 4 and 2 and hubs and I are up and down the entire time and constantly correcting someone, telling someone to eat, telling someone to not spill their milk etc. It IS a circus!