TAT CN Header

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

It Gets Easier, Right?

Today, we were at the library for story time, and afterward, as we were leaving, Norah tried to nab some books off the shelf.  I told her we weren't gonna check out any books today and to put them back, so she unleashed the classic toddler tantrum move: Dramatically flinging herself to the floor and crying, "Book!Book!" 

I felt like the meanest mom in the world denying my daughter the opportunity to check out a library book, but I honestly just wanted to get home -- it was near lunch time for her and Caleb was gonna need to eat soon too and that's easier done at home if it's possible -- plus, I'm trying to stick to my guns, so when I say "no" it really means "no," not "okay, let's start the negotiations."

So, there I am, diaper bag over my shoulder, carrying Caleb in the infant carrier, and with my free hand wrestling the books out of Norah's little hands and trying to keep my cool.  I put the books back (sorry librarians, I just shoved them onto a random shelf!) and then, Norah being so tragically denied books, asked to be carried.

"You can walk, you're a big girl," I told her.

Her response?  "Carry!  Carry!"

"Fine," I said.  I'm sweating a bit and my sunglasses are askew.  So, I pick her up in one arm, still carrying the diaper bag over my shoulder and Caleb with my other arm (strength training be damned!  you just have to be a mom to carry 20+ lbs with each arm), and this woman with two kids of her own nearby says, "It gets easier."

"I hope so," I said.

"How far apart are they?" she asked.

"22 months."

"20 months," she said indicating her own perfectly well-behaved children who looked to be about 4 and 2.  "Trust me, it'll get easier.  Don't worry."

I thanked her and then carried them both out of the library.  Norah was calm by then and volunteered then to walk -- and after lunch, she blessed me with one of her longest naps ever: 2 hrs and 20 minutes!  It was glorious because Caleb slept for about 90 minutes of that: You know what I can do with 90 minutes kid-free?  I practically created a soluble economic recovery plan!

Anyway, that woman's words hung with me all afternoon: "It gets easier."  I was glad for her taking the moment to say something kind and sympathetic, and I clung to her promise.  I needed to hear that in that moment. 

27 comments:

MCM Mama said...

It does get easier. And the time to that point happens way faster than you think it will.

Keep hanging in there!

diana said...

I've only got one right now and I don't know how parents of multiples or siblings close in age do it! It's also so nice to hear about a stranger saying something kind amidst all the inappropriate/rude/random unsolicited advice that seems to be around every corner!

H. said...

It WILL get easier! Mine are 24 months apart and I had a hard time at first, but now that they are almost 4 and 2 it really has gotten easier! And, like a previous comment said, the time to that point gets there fast! Now my two are best buddies, both can walk and feed themselves! :)

Lisa said...

.it does get easier. mine are about the same (21 mo apart). I do empathize. I remember carrying an infant and making a toddler walk, having two in diapers, etc. It gets easier because you will figure it out plus each month as they get older they are able to do a little more on their own.

I do have to say that I didn't go out of the house very often though. Definitely not on a daily basis. You are brave!

Nikki said...

While some days are harder, it most definitely gets easier. I have had many days filled with unexplained kid meltdowns and screaming kids in my shopping cart, but it always gets easier and its always, always, always so worth it. Mine are 14 mos apart and I have never ever regretted that decision. Kids are the best.

X-Country2 said...

You're doing great! I loved hearing it gets easier, and now that it has, I pass it along to other twin moms I see.

Also, we're going to need some pics. :o)

heathermareed said...

LOVE the perfectly timed kind words from a stranger! Hold on to those as long as you need, you're doing a great job!

Nobel4Lit said...

Sorry about the library scene. Glad to see that it DOES get better!

Erin said...

It was nice of that lady to comment, especially down here where it's easier to find a nasty look than a friendly smile. You should be proud of yourself. I certainly wouldn't venture out as much as you do. Give yourself a giant pat on the back. That nap from both of them was their way of saying sorry mommy. At least that's what I would tell myself.

d.a.r. said...

I'm sure the encouragement was much needed!!

The thought of one baby is totally overwhelming right now, so you are pretty much a super hero in my eyes. Hang in there!!

Razz said...

nope. My kids were perfect all the time. That's how the Razz's roll.

By the way, would you like to buy a bridge?

Robyn said...

Mine are 24 months apart and now almost 3 and almost 5. It gets easier. I still remember the first time I took them *both* to the grocery store... couldn't figure out how to carry them both... couldn't figure out how to push the cart... it was crazy. Second time, we all knew the drill. Third time, we were pros.

It gets easier every month (though occasionally in a "two steps forward, one step back" way). We found the "magic" age was 18 months for the younger one -- he was big enough to communicate with and physically defend himself from his brother, and they could play together without my fearing for their lives. But it truly does get easier every step of the way.

Meghan said...

Mine just turned 3 years old and 3 months old, and I've found even in this short amount of time it's gotten a little easier. The baby can go a little longer between feedings, can entertain himself on his playmat, etc. Definitely felt like I was in survival mode at the beginning, though. Many nights of tears and questioning what have I done having two kids! Most of my friends say it gets a lot easier at 6 months since the older one can engage more with the baby. You're doing great!

juliemcg said...

That's so wonderful and heartwarming! It would be great if parents would be that supportive of each other all the time.

Amber said...

I don't have 2, so I don't know if it gets easier, but it must - otherwise no one would ever have more than 2! Also, it gets easier with 1, as you've experienced, so it stands to reason that it'd get easier with 2.

I'm watching with interest everything that you post, because I've got an 8 month old now and am vaguely starting to consider the possibility of a 2nd.

You are really brave - I was scared to go out with just 1!

Wes said...

KARMA! pay it forward :-)

Marlene said...

That was really nice of her to offer some reassurance. She has obviously been there too!

Glad you got some much needed peace during nap time!

Robin said...

You are brave to tackle taking them both out! There are still times I struggle with just getting Eva out and about with me.

That was a really nice thing for that other mom to say and good to know in case I do decide to have a second.

And as a librarian, I do cringe at the thought of the books being out of order, but as a Mom, I also know that you gotta do what you gotta do! Besides, the kids books are notorious for being a mess, so I doubt those few books made too much of a difference--haha!

Heather said...

Hang in there! And have a couple of cocktails, that can't hurt . . .

fancy nancy said...

Glad you had some quiet time....reading this and then reading what the woman said to you I started to tear up! Moms need to stick together!!! Hang in there!

Running Kiwi said...

Easier ... and different :) I've got 3yrs between all of mine except no.'s 2 and 3 who are 17mths apart - I can remember some interesting times ;) I think all stages have their challenges, but lack of sleep, and lack of time definitely makes those first ones even harder!

Enjoy every moment, it goes by wayyyy too fast :)

Beana said...

Oh yes, it really does! I remember we tried to go out to dinner with our 5 yr old, almost 2yr old and newborn...we ended up asking for our food to go and I waited in the car with the kids..it was THAT bad! You do deal with them yelling and fighting with each other...but it's still easier :) My younger two are 21 months apart and once the baby was 6 months it was already easier.

BrianFlash said...

Good for you setting the rules and sticking to it. As long as you maintain consistency, you end up with better behaved children in the long run.

savvyfitchica said...

I'm glad that nice lady said that to you. Just knowing you're not alone, someone else is sympathetic, and it will get easier makes everything SEEM easier right then.

N.D. said...

Ha, I need to hear that every damn day. I'm sure it will happen soon but it's all in phases and right now = not an easy time. I think the 2 year old toddler phase is really tough along w/ a baby.

Stephanie said...

It does get easier! Mine are 26 months apart and are almost 5 and 3. They're not perfectly behaved and seem to take great joy in humbling me greatly during our outings, but on the whole, it does get easier :)

Tiffany said...

You are at the toughest stage every! I remember story time and looking and realizing that my boobs had leaked everywhere! Good thing I was in a room full of moms and it was winter so I had a jacket. It will get easier. My girls are now 3 and 6 and they love each other and play so well together.