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Sunday, May 08, 2011

Mother's Day: The Good, The Bad, The Poopy

My Mother's Day, like motherhood in general, reflected the highs, the lows and the shit that comes with being a mother.  So, the rundown:

The Good
I told Jerry, I didn't want balloons or flowers or cards or jewelry.  I just wanted to sleep in, to have an hour or two to myself at some point in the day, and I wanted to take a shower by myself.  I got all those things: balloons, flowers, cards, jewelry, sleeping in, time to myself and a glorious, lone shower.  In that regards, the day was everything I wanted it to be.

The Bad
We also decided to do a family activity, so we went to Butterfly World.  While there, I had a tour guide say: "Wow, are you due today?"  Me: "No, I'm due 3 weeks from today."  "Oh, well, you're BIG!"  Thanks, lady. 

After Butterfly World, which is all outside and it was a hot morning, we spent some time letting Norah run wild on the nearby playground, and by this time it was REALLY hot out.  The playground is partially covered, but it was still just plain ole hot out, and after 30 minutes, I was swelling a bit and I could tell that Jerry was fading fast.  See, there's 2 things you should know about Jerry:
  1. He can't handle gin martinis.  If he has two, he WILL throw up, and then undress and go to bed.  Even if you have people over.  Doesn't matter.  Game is over after two drinks.
  2. He can't handle the sun.  He got heat exhaustion once the first summer we lived in FL, and ever since then, he wilts quickly under the sun's glare.
So, on the way home, despite water and full-blast A/C, I could tell that Jerry wasn't feeling well and his mood was quickly dissolving.  After listening to 5 rounds of the ABC song, he was especially unpleasant when we pulled into the parking lot of our condo.  He was clearly getting frustrated with Norah's refusal to eat her lunch, so I made the executive decision to send him to bed.  I was a little peeved that he was going to nap while I re-fixed Norah a different lunch and got her ready for her nap because, well, Mother's Day is supposed to be MY day, but better to do those things myself than deal with Grumpilstilskin.

Without much protestation, he retired to bed to nap off the heat.

Later, after Norah got up from her nap, he was refreshed himself and he made it up to me by taking her out for some Daddy-Daughter time while I got to lounge around the house by myself, so it paid off in the end.

The Poopy
What's parenthood without some kind of poop story, right?  Except this wasn't kid poop, it was bird poop.

While at Butterfly World, we were in the lorikeet exhibit -- lorikeets, if you don't know, are really loud, annoying parrot-like birds that are super friendly with people, and you can pay $1 and feed them and they stand on your head and stuff.  It's cute the first time, but after being in the lorikeet exhibit a dozen times, I am pretty much immune to the charms of these birds.  Still, Norah thinks they're the bomb-diggity so we always go, pay a $1, and Jerry lets them stand on his head and Norah thinks it's awesome.

So, I'm standing off to the side, watching Norah giggle her head off at the birds' antics when an F-14 disguised as a lorikeet dive bombs me, and as it swoops over my head, it drops a deuce right. on. my. face.  Damn bird!  I had bird poo on my cheek and my neck and on the collar of my shirt.

Jerry thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen -- which maybe I should have kept in mind when he was later groaning about his "heat headache" -- and he said, "If you blog about anything from today, you HAVE to tell people that a bird pooped on your face!"

19 comments:

Lee said...

Haha! I have to admit, it's pretty funny. Of course, karma's going to strike me for saying that and a bird is totally going to shit on me.

Alice said...

Sorry about your bad bird experience. We have an african grey and a lovebird, and like with little babies, sometimes bird poop just happens.

Glad it didn't spoil your wonderful day!

Firefly's Running said...

Oh yuck! I thought sea gulls were bad.

Xenia said...

If it makes you feel better, I was standing in line to buy ice cream and just as it was my turn to order a bird pooped right on my head. I veered off and had to have my taller sister assess the damage. There was a lot of it and it was green and gooey. Thankfully she was nice enough to clean it for me. I still hate most birds to this day.

runner26 said...

This could only happen to you! Like natures way PF wishing you a happy mothers day by giving you some blog material ;). Happy mothers day! Sounds like overall, it was a good day

James said...

Bird Bombs always suck. Better wear a hat next time. :)

Erin said...

Good job on the morning alone time. Ryan also was a saint and took Miller away so I could have some cherished time to myself.

I don't know what godly saint you are thinking you are that can go outside for adventures at this point in the year without being in a pool. Kudos to you. We went out for lunch and had a 25 minute wait. I made it about 10-15 minutes in the noon time sun before I headed inside and took 30 minutes to come around. Heat and Erin don't mix either. PS-even Miller said "mommy it's too hot" so I knew I was justified in my concern to get in the shade/ac.

That poop story is hilarious to read but I am sure being the recipient was not funny. It's one thing on a shoulder but your face. Ewe!

Wes said...

life revolves around poop(ing). just sayin ;-)

Glad you had a great day!

fancy nancy said...

There is nothing I have ever experienced quite like Florida heat! Sorry the man had a bad heat time but I'm glad you got in your relaxing times!!! When I was pregnant I used to get those comments too...or they would say, "I know someone due then and she is much smaller than you!"....thanks!

Marlene said...

Well... certainly an INTERESTING day! I hope the good outweighed the poop!

Krissy said...

Oh my goodness the bird poop part is just too much! I forgot my mother's day had a poopy part too but not nearly as funny as yours! Happy belated Mother's Day!

BrianFlash said...

We were at the St. Louis Zoo on Mother's Day and I saw approximately 1 million families out at the zoo. I also saw approximately 1 million mothers who were all thinking "This would have been a great day if dad had taken these little rug rats to the zoo and let me stay home!"

Happy Mom's Day!

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

My BIL will do the samething, just go to bed mid-party. So funny!

To have a bird poop on you is said to be a sign of good luck. Seeing how you day turned back around later, maybe it's true?!

Robin said...

He's right. The poop story was an essential part of this blog post. Sounds like you had a wonderful day overall though!

N.D. said...

happy mothers day! people should keep their mouth shut about pregnant women. Gross on the poop. Did you yell out, SH%%!!! I still remember my aunt getting pooped on and yelled that out and we were really young. Ha.

Agate Lake Girl said...

Didn't that bird know it was Mother's Day? That is way uncool. :)

MCM Mama said...

At least you weren't like the mom on one of my local email groups who had to ask how worried she needed to be because her three year old ate bird poop...

Anonymous said...

When I was young my Aunt brought me into a petting zoo and the goat that was standing over her lap took a pee. 20+ years later and we still tease her about that.

d.a.r. said...

Glad you had a good day, all considering :)