So far today, we have had two blowouts, which means we're on the 3rd onesie of the day, Norah had to have a bath, despite the fact that she had one yesterday, and half the washable baby paraphernalia is now in the washing machine.
The first blowout came out the front side. We had just returned from a walk, and she was asleep in her stroller, so I just left her in there while I made myself some lunch. While my lunch was heating up in the microwave, I heard a monster burp, that sounded "wet," and when I looked in on her in her stroller, I discovered that she had yakked. Partially digested milk everywhere.
Needless to say, my lunch was delayed as I got her, and the stroller, cleaned up and dressed her in fresh duds.
About an hour or so later, she was chillin' on my lap while I was reading, and she started making some "poop faces" (you know the ones, you probably make them yourself when you're pushing out a grunter), and sure enough, some disturbingly loud noises ensued, followed by a noxious odor. But, wanting to wait to see if she was done, I delayed rushing her off to the changing table and changing her.
Mistake.
The shit had filled the diaper to capacity and then shot up her back, soaking her backside, and my frontside, as well as the Boppy. This was gross in and of itself, but then as I was trying to change her out of the crap-stained outfit, I managed to get baby poop all over the changing pad cover, all over me, and in her hair. Faced with this shitticane, I decided the easiest way to clean this baby would be with a fire hose, but lacking that, I decided she had to have a bath.
So, now she is freshly washed, in a new onesie, the soiled clothing, etc is now in the wash, and she has been set down to sleep in her crib. I guess that just leaves me. I smell like 1 part spit up, 1 part baby poop, and 1 part frustrated sweat. Surely, my body wash can handle that, right?
Oh my. That's a day. Take a quick shower and go take yourself a nap. :o)
ReplyDeleteWe had to wait 11 days for the first poop post? ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt took long enough for poop to make an appearance on this blog.
ReplyDeleteI think that should be called a Poocano. Like a poop valcano. Happy friday! LP
ReplyDeleteROFL... This is better than blogging while intoxicated :-)
ReplyDeletehahaha LOVE it! Now wait till this happens in public, and you are walking around town covered in baby poop. I love being a mom! :)
ReplyDeleteMotherhood. Love it!
ReplyDeleteWow. Sounds like fun!
ReplyDeleteafter a few more times, you'll be an expert in cleaning up all that mess. ;-)
ReplyDeletethere's nothing like compressed poop to brighten the day. Have a great weekend Jess!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to hear the 2am stories..."Mom, I threw up in my bed!"
ReplyDeleteYou're tough, wiping that shiz off your babies back is the easy stuff. One day she maybe wiping it off your back. LOL..
Needless to say I'm way behind on blogs - Congrats!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd, I'm glad things are getting easier each day.
Oh my goodness you make it sounds so funny! We all need this laughter during these times!
ReplyDeleteOh no! Ha ha. Sounds like it's time for your bath and a nap too.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling this will be the first of many Nora-poop stories.
Oh the things nobody tells you about when you're pregnant...
ReplyDeleteOne time I was changing my daughter's diaper, and as I lifted her legs to put the new diaper in place she had an exploded poop that flew in a stream and hit the back of the sofa and a wall across the room.
Good times!
This will happen again! Way to handle it. Isn't it amazing how much these little babies can produce.
ReplyDeleteI think this happened to us for the first two months. :) Good times!
ReplyDeleteAhh, the good old days! I remember those.
ReplyDeleteShoo had one of those at the airport one time. I just threw his entire outfit in the trash...
Haha! My sister just told me of a similar incident she had today with Morgan. Must be one of those poopy days today.
ReplyDeleteOh man.. that brings memories. Been there and done that. In about a month or two, you will be an expert and you will know what to expect.
ReplyDeleteLOL since we're talking about poop- Julianna loves it when I tell her the story when she was about a week or two old, and I lifted up her legs to change her just at the same time she totally sharted- ALL OVER THE furniture, walls, me, her...it was gross- but I think it's a rite of passage- welcome to motherhood. :)
ReplyDeleteYup. Welcome to your new life :) Target blowouts are fun. So are airplane ones. I also like when they start pooping again while you are in midst of changing the last blowout.
ReplyDeleteROFL!! I remember those days and had those days myself. There will be more of them and the techinque will get better.
ReplyDeleteEwwww....the blowouts are not fun! I am always amazed at how much they can poop.
ReplyDeleteWow, that's a lot of cleaning up. You deserve a NAP!
ReplyDeleteLOL. Poop. Something we can all relate to :-)
ReplyDeleteUmmm...maybe we want to rethink trying to get pregnant :)
ReplyDeleteawww.. love the blowouts. I remember I was doing the wash like 2 times a day.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious! At least you can laugh about it!
ReplyDeleteif not; you might be able to market a new body wash for new moms...i see big bucks in that!
ReplyDeleteYou mean you didn't register for a fire hose?
ReplyDeleteYou sound like an old pro already.
Ah yes, I remember those days. I bet she felt so much better after those two blowouts though. :)
ReplyDeletebuy a couple cloth diaper covers. Seriously...I suffered through many blowouts and poop on me moments. Then someone told me to use a cloth diaper cover and it was really about the best thing ever!
ReplyDeleteYou'll learn to never underestimate a baby's capacity for creating massive amounts of poop!
ReplyDeleteI mean, I'm sure that there are 1000 great moments for each one of these... but you're not exactly "selling" this parenting thing :)
ReplyDelete