My Birthday!
Yesterday, I tried to argue with Jerry that the entire week should be devoted to the celebration of me, and we could label it "Jess Week." He was not so keen on the idea. Especially because I was making the case that to start off the celebration of Jess Week, he should drive to Cold Stone and get me a Like It size cup of cake batter ice cream (my fav, fav, favorite!). He said I could have a Klondike bar out of our freezer instead. Poop-head.
Anyway, Jerry said that the only person who's birthday gets more than one day of attention is Christ's and unless I start my own religion, then I don't deserve an entire week of celebration. Thus, I propose: Jesstianity. A religion based on the life and teachings of Jess. The basics of Jesstianity would be simple: Followers would be encouraged to live a fun, carefree life, in which running around, playing games, frequent afternoon naps, and excessive drinking would be encouraged. And part of the basic philosophy would be that "sometimes you fall down, but you have to learn to pick yourself up." (In case some of you aren't familiar with my clutziness, I am prone to falling down, running into things, or being knocked down. It happened on Saturday night, for example, when I tripped and fell at the bowling alley and got a little carpet burn on my left knee.)
When I explained the basics of Jesstianity to Jerry, he had this to say: "With the exception of the drinking, you just described the life of a two year old."
He later went on to further debase Jesstianity as being the "preferred religion of college students and toddlers" and said that if devout followers experienced the stigmata, it would consist of scraped up knees. I think he just really didn't want to go get me that ice cream.
Anyhoo...even if you don't want to adopt Jesstianity as your primary religion, that's okay (Jesstianity is a very tolerant religious practice). You can still send me a Charm City Cake, buy me a Coach purse, or get me a Corvette: But, you'll have to hurry because Jess Day is tomorrow! (I am at least laying claim to the day.)
You are Jerry are perfect together ;)
ReplyDeleteShouldn't limit your exhibitions of stigmata.
ReplyDeleteI still have three gashes on my wrists from falling down while bowling and drinking copious amounts of alcohol.
I think it's a miracle :-P
Too funny! And, cake from the Ace of Cakes would be fabulous. Hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteJesstianity sounds great! I'd subscribe!
We will all sing a collective "happy birthday" for you tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI was totally a part of that religion in my early 20's :P Who knew it had a name ;-)
ReplyDeleteHmm carpet burn on the knees, are you SURE you fell at the bowling alley and it wasnt something else ;)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday
That was a great laugh, very funny. Thanks. And happy early birthday Jesses.
ReplyDeleteThis post was hysterical. Happy early b-day. I love the Ace of Cakes, too.
ReplyDeleteI claim title of anti-jess.
ReplyDeleteYou totally summed up how I feel about birthdays. It should not be a one day event! Here, here to birthday week!
ReplyDeleteAt my office, we actually do declare BIRTHDAY WEEK, so tell Jerry "Pfffbt!"
ReplyDeleteMan...in the church of Jesstianity, I'd like to be pope. Can we make arrangements for that!? :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday a day early!! :) NOW GO GET SOME COLD STONE!
I think Jess week sounds like a great idea!
ReplyDeleteJesstianity? Nice. Sounds like my kind of religion! hehehe
ReplyDeleteJesstianity sounds perfect! Excessive drinking and carefree life all with afternoon naps? Perfect! I might just be the right age to go for something like that:P
ReplyDeletehapppy early bday
In my family, we celebrate everyone's birthday for two days since this is the excuse my mom gave when trying to get out of a date with a guy way back in high school. She has since turned it into a reality, thus clearing her conscience of the original lie. So... Jerry should have bought you that Cake Batter!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, thanks for making the preggo crave Cold Stone!
Mmm, now I want cake batter ice cream.
ReplyDeleteThere's an ice cream around here that has birthday cake ice cream. It is exactly what it sounds like: cake batter ice cream, chunks of blue frosting, and sprinkles misxed in. It takes everyone to a happy place.
ReplyDeleteOMG this is tooo funny!
ReplyDeleteHappy 30th Birthdy. Hope you have a great day.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday! I'll have a beer and eat a piece of cake JUST for you.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday and Happy Jesstianity to all!!!
ReplyDeleteHa, ha, ha! Jerry's comments are too funny! I'd subscribe to Jesstianity.
ReplyDeletehehe
ReplyDeleteI'm going to sign up...does weekly worship include cake at all?
Soz I missed your birthday --
oh no! I've just realised! I'm a lapsed Jesstian already! Sheesh!